Monday, July 30, 2007

Faith Put To Action

True faith, the kind that really makes a difference in this world , the kind that seriously changes and transforms people, is the kind that is demonstrated by not only our thoughts and our beliefs, but by our actions.
"What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but you don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, "Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well"- but then you don't give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless...I will show you my faith by my good deeds."
James 2:14-18
It's so much more complex than this, but here is the way it worked out for me...
I was going along with my life, everything was just fine. I didn't know God. I had a family of my own. I felt vulnerable, and defenseless and afraid that there was something bigger than me out there. I got sick. I felt I was facing death. I was desperate. I cried out to God to save me. He did. I wanted to get to know Him. I started to read and pray and learn. My heart and soul and life began to change. I began to crave the Word of the Bible like nothing else I'd ever desired before. I fell in love with Jesus Christ. I was reborn into a new, joyful, exciting, full, real life. I felt free. I felt grateful and thankful and blessed and humbled and awed and amazed. Out of my gratitude and true love and admiration and devotion, I want to spend my life learning about God, being in His presence, serving Him, becoming more like Him, pleasing Him, obeying Him, loving myself and others the way He does, working alongside Him to bring more peace and love into this hurting world. I finally feel like I have a purpose, a plan, and real reason for being on this earth. I believe that I am called, as we all are, to accept the Lord's love and grace, to respond to it by giving our lives to Him and demonstrating our faith in Christ by our deeds of loving service.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

A Bold Assurance

This scripture was read aloud today at church....and convinces me further that I am justified in coming to God, the Creator of all the Universe, to humbly ask for His intervention, help, healing, peace in any and all circumstanes....even a pain that my dad experiences.
"So let us come boldy to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."
Hebrews 4:16

Coping Mechanism or Real Power?

My dad has been experiencing these severe pains in his chest/abdomnin. He's gone to the ER 2 times over the last couple months because the pain has been so bad. They haven't determined what is wrong yet, he is visiting doctors and running tests.
It's a scary thing, to get a call from your mom, telling you that your dad is in the emergency room. It doesn't matter how your day is going, at that moment, everything stops and the world seems very unbalanced. Your dad is the hero, the big and strong and safe force that took care of you and protected you. The thought of him being sick, or fragile, or hurt is awkward and uncomfortable. You feel weak and out of control and helpless, knowing that there really isn't anything that you can do to take care of your dad. Right? So wrong!
I have found such a peace in prayer. Before I believed in God, this was something that never made sense to me, and sounded like a big "coping mechanism" for weak people. But now that I know it and understand it, it's the most powerful and important tool and the first thing I do before I try to rely on my own strength or abilities to solve a problem.
I got the call from my mom about my dad. I hung up the phone. I prayed right then and there for the Lord to heal my dad, to bring my parents peace and comfort, to fill that hospital room with His presence and love, to guide the dr's and nurses and give them wisdom. I thanked the Lord for his love, his faithfulness, his power and the peace that He was bringing to me, even in that moment. I then emailed my friends and family who I consider to be my "prayer warriors" and requested that they do the same. And I still worried about my dad, I still felt anxious and afraid and unsure, but I felt confident that God, the Creator of the universe, had heard my prayer and the prayer of my "warriors" and was literally in that room with my parents.
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Power Of A Praying Parent

Mommy: So Katelyn how was your day today? What did you do with the other kids while I was at Bible Study with the mommy's?

Katelyn: We played Duck-Duck-Goose!

Mommy: Wow! I didn't know that you knew how to play that game. How fun!

Katelyn: But I never got a chance to run, cause the kids never picked me, and I don't know why, cause I'm a friend too!

I have truly never experienced a pain like this. Hearing my daughter's sweet, high pitched voice tell this story, so serious and concerned, brought on feelings and emotions that I have never had to confront before. She is the sweetest, kindest, silliest little girl with the most inviting, sparkly blue eyes. How could the kids leave her out? Why didn't they include her? What will I do in the future to protect her from the hurt that can come from her peers? What can I teach her, tell her, explain to her? How do you clean off that wound and prepare her for another situation that might hurt more? How do you send your kids out into the world, knowing that their sweet hearts might get broken? What do I do to protect my kids when I can't be there with them?
I thank God that I have found SOME peace in prayer. I have learned from the book Power Of A Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian that I do have some responsibility and power in praying daily for my kids. I pray diligently for their health and safety, for their protection from danger and harm, that their bodies and minds will be strong, that they will be confident and secure and well adjusted, that they will embrace life, that they will like school and learning and have good, kind and quality friends. I pray that they will be leaders, that they will have good character and strong wills. I pray that they will be good kids, with good hearts and kind spirits. And truly, my first and deepest prayer is that they will want to know God, that they will love Him and want to serve Him. I believe that if they do, they will then discover their true purpose, and they will love themselves, they will be happy and secure and good and kind and strong. It's a struggle, because as a parent you want to cling on to your kids and hold them tightly, but I think that if I let go just a little, and let God in to that embrace, He will look after them in every moment, even those Duck-Duck-Goose moments when I am not there!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Temptation: To Be Relevant

In my former life, before I was a stay-at-home mom, I was a high school guidance counselor. I loved my job. I earned my Master's degree in school counseling and had found the place where I truly felt that I was using my gifts and talents and passions. I, unlike many, have a particular fondness for high school aged kids . I am fascinated by that age group, am attracted to the drama,the energy, the fun, the excitement. I guess it's because I loved my own high school experience. I had a blast during that time of my life. I have fond memories, I had great friends, I fit in and I really enjoyed that stage.
After being home with my own kids for a few years, I felt a longing to get involved with high school kids again. I found my eyes were always drawn to the left side of the church sanctuary on Sunday mornings, where all the high school kids sat. I decided to get involved with the high school ministry and am now a small group leader for the 10th and 11th grade girls.
Now I spend every Wednesday night with the high school kids. This past Wednesday we were all meeting together, boys and girls from grades 9-12. Before a game, worship and discussion time, everyone is just hanging out, socializing and visiting with each other. This 15 minute "hang time" on Wednesday nights has got to be the most challenging time of every week for me. I keep thinking it will get easier, but I am still struggling. When was the last time you walked into a room filled with high school kids, all who know each other, and tried to fit in? tried to find someone who would talk to you? find something to talk about? You would think that you have grown up enough, evolved enough, so now you wouldn't be so intimidated by them or care about what they think of you, right? Well, let me tell you, it's just as awkward and scary and intimidating now, as a 30-something year old!!
Once we get into the thick of the evening, and I am in my "leader" role, I start to feel a little more comfortable, but still, they are a tough crowd. I am finding that I am not as easily accepted among this group as I thought I would be. I keep wanting to reassure them, "Hey, I'm cool. Really, I was pretty cool when I was in high school, I think you would have liked me. I know I'm old and out of it now, but in my day, I was alright!" That probably wouldn't help, huh?
In a great book I recently read called, In The Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen
describes his similar struggle to assert his leadership within a new community. He says, "Not being able to use any of the skills that proved so practical in the past was a real source of anxiety. I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent on how I was perceived at the moment...forced to let go of my relevant self, and forced to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments. I am telling you all this because I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self. That is the way Jesus came to reveal God's love."
My struggle will be to let go of my pride and ego, of my relevant self, and just be a humble and loving servant of God.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Who Gets Blessed More?

I was humbled and inspired the other day. At a women's Bible study at my church, I said "hello" to the homeless woman who frequents our meetings. She is always around the church, at all the events, always there on Sunday morning, and comes to our Bible study. I have also seen her several mornings, curled up in her sleeping bag on the sand at North Beach.
I love the way the people at our church treat her, so welcoming, always offering her food and assistance and the seat next to them. I have noticed how often she goes back for coffee and breakfast treats during our Bible studies and I am glad that she has a place to fill up on food and the Word of God. Well, this past Wednesday she had a plastic grocery bag of apples with her. And as I greeted her and asked how she liked the mornings lesson, she offered me the seat next to her and asked if I would like an apple. I was taken back by her generosity and touched deeply. With as little as she had, she was willing to give some of it up. Surely the Lord will bless her for that. I know it blessed me.

"You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"
Acts 20:35

Thursday, July 12, 2007

A Father Teaches A Mother

The only way to get through bath time around here is on a hope and a prayer! How is it that 2 pretty little girls, both under the age of 4, are able to drive me to near insanity several times a day??!!??
Two nights ago we were doing our usual thing. It was about 5:30pm, I was taking the girls out of the tub to get them all lathered up in there yummy smelling baby lotion, put them in their clean, comfy jammies...and then....attempt the ultimate feat....combing their hair!
I had my oldest, Katelyn in between my legs on the floor. I am being so very gentle, carefully pulling the comb through her overly conditioned hair. "Mommy! Mommy! OUCH!!! You're hurting me! STOP!!! You're hurting me!!!" (I seriously have to close the windows around my home before I comb their hair, it's ridiculous. Can someone say....Drama Queen?)
On that particular evening, I took a very deep breathe, and oh so calmly... "Katelyn, honey, come on, it's not that bad. I'm being as gentle as I can. Sweetheart, sit real still so it wont hurt. Don't you trust mommy? You know that I love you and I don't want to hurt you. I promise, if you hold real still, you'll see, it will be over in just a second and you'll be alright. I promise. Good girl."
And in that very moment, as I was speaking those words to Katelyn, the strangest idea occurred to me. This must be exactly how God feels when we are throwing a temper tantrum at Him as we are going through a crisis.
When we are in the middle of something terrible like illness or a tragedy
or a string of bad circumstances, we start flipping out, throwing up our hands, blaming God, and begging for the pain to end.
But just like the mom on the loving end of the comb, He sees the bigger picture. He knows that the situation will pass and the pain will cease. He knows that in the scheme of things, although we can't see it clearly, this small moment of pain will bring about goodness. God asks "Don't you trust me? You know that I created you, that I love you, and I don't want to hurt you. I promise, if you stay faithful, you'll see, it will be over in a second and you'll be alright. Good girl."

Then it happened to me again this afternoon. I was dealing with Katelyn, and God spoke right to my heart.
I picked her up from preschool, the girls were watching Clifford the Big Red Dog on the couch while I made their Mac N Cheese for lunch. Katelyn took off her tennis shoes on the couch and Taylor immediately tattled that Katelyn got sand everywhere. (yep, right at the beginning of the fun sibling stuff!) I scooped up the sand while I teased Katelyn "Honey, come on, I've told you before, we have to take your tennis shoes off outside because you always insist on bringing the entire sandbox home with you! Please don't do that again."
She giggled and watched me as I dumped the sand in the backyard. She very seriously said, "Mommy, I'm really sorry. I wont do that again."
I am so proud when she really gets it and I lovingly replied, "it's okay honey, i love you, don't worry about it, just please remember next time, okay?"
And there was God, right in my heart as I was speaking the words to Katelyn. It's as if he was saying to me.....
"Kim, that's exactly how I feel when I am dealing with you, my child. I lovingly watch over you, guide you, teach you and instruct you. And when you get off course, I correct you. I put that feeling of conviction and guilt in your heart as a way of telling you where you went wrong. And when you listen, and come to me asking for forgiveness with a sincere heart, I am so quick to forgive you and reassure you and tell you that I love you."

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

True Riches

A few weeks ago Mark and I were sitting across from each other at Starbucks on a Sunday evening. We were enjoying some quiet time before we were to meet with some women from a non-profit organization, Acres of Love, that we are considering getting involved with. This organization rescues and provides for abandoned AIDS orphans in South Africa. It is a cause that we feel particularly strong about and want to be of assistance to. And as we prepared for the meeting we discussed our own personal goals and wants and desires for involvement.
We both recognized that this really isn't the best time for us to become financially involved with any sort of charity. The truth is, money is really tight in our home right now. We are feeling the implications of my decision to stay at home with our children, and are missing that second income greatly. We have made major cut backs, have simplified in every area, and are on a very tight budget. There really is no wiggle room.
But Mark made a point that is still ringing loudly in my mind. He said, "It's funny, we have never been in a more scary or stressful spot financially. But I can't remember a time that we've ever been happier."
Before Mark and I had kids, we both made good money. We had a big home, drove luxury cars, wore nice, expensive clothing, spent a lot of money on travel, and entertainment and just about whatever we felt like. And we were happy....but missing something.
Now we are strapped, we are clipping coupons, driving more practical cars, not buying new clothes, not vacationing anywhere and trying to spend as little as possible all the time. And we are happy....really happy.
And we have reset our priorities, are committed to our family, are longing for more meaningful ways to contribute to society, are working hard in our faith, are truly enjoying the more important things in life like family and friends and good health.
I feel like God has taken this opportunity to really speak to us. He has gotten our attention in an area where we were off base. He has made things a little uncomfortable, made us work together as a team, made us vulnerable and appreciative and thankful. He has opened our eyes to ways that we can get involved with bigger issues, than our cars and clothing, and made us see that we still have so much to offer those who are truly in need. He is leading our family in a most exciting and fulfilling direction. I know that He has wonderful things planned for us, and I am anxious to see how it turns out.
In the midst of this financial stress, I have been praying diligently. I pray for strength in my faith and in Mark's, I pray that I will be a leader in my family, I pray that I will be aware of Mark's burden's and pressures and that I can be a source of relief and support and encouragement for him, I pray that God will give Mark rest and shoulder some of his burden, I pray for guidance from the Lord, the He will provide for us. And I give thanks for all that we have, for the ways in which we are blessed and taken care of. I praise God for his faithfulness, for his provision, for his constant work in our lives and for his love.

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil."
1 Timothy 6:6-10

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Happy Dependence Day

As we celebrate a day of INDEPENDENCE for our country, my deepest desire is for all people to become totally DEPENDENT on God.

"Whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
-2 Corinthians 3:16-17

The Holy Spirit provides us freedom from sin and condemnation. When we trust Jesus Christ to save us, he removes the heavy burden of trying to please him and our guilt of always failing to do so. By trusting Christ, we are loved, accepted, forgiven, and freed. Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (taken from commentary in NLT)