Heavenly Father,
Thank you for my young student, you know her name. Thank you for calling me to become a leader in the high school ministry at our church and for leading me to these girls. Thank you for the opportunity to serve you in this capacity and for helping me to know you better and be more sure of my faith as I walk along side these young women to help them know you.
You tell us in the book of Matthew "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who ask, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
Lord, my student is in a season of her life where she is questioning, seeking, knocking. She is looking for you, desiring a real relationship with you, hoping that it will make a difference in her life. Lord, I pray that you will show up, in a huge way, in her life right now. I pray that she will continue to press on and seek to know you and that you will be faithful to meet her where she is. I pray that you will reveal yourself to her, that you will make it so obvious of your presence and your nature and your love that she will just know, without any question, who you are. I pray that she will be able to be vulnerable, real, exposed and that she will let down her guard in order to experience you in a new way. She has a need to "check off the to-do list", thinking that her faith is about doing the right things and being the right kind of Christian. Lord, help her to see and know that you are about grace and that nothing she can DO will earn your favor. Help her to understand that you love her, you desire her, you are already there for her.
Lord, help me to help her in this journey of finding you. Use me to reveal yourself to her. Let my words, be your words and allow me to be there for her as you would need me to. Let this time of studying your word together this summer be an awesome and overwhelming time of discovering you.
In Christ's Name,
Amen
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Step Away From The Mall
I have been so good at saving money lately, at being a helpful and supportive wife by significantly cutting back on all spending, at not placing so much importance on stuff and clothes and these shallow means for satisfying that certain longing to feel good. I have chosen to use my time more wisely, just packing picnics and hanging at the park or the beach. I've been staying clear of all Targets and Nordstroms and any type of needless shopping at all that sucks me into that place where I just "have to have it!" I've been working so hard at trying to truly evaluate what "need" is and spend accordingly. Do I really NEED that pedicure? Do I really NEED that candle for the house or that Starbucks coffee? No, those are not needs. The children in Africa understand needs. They NEED parents and food and medicine and education and love. Those are NEEDS!!
I am trying to abandon all those superficial desires in order to strip myself of worldly influence, in order to focus more healthy attention on my family and my faith, in order to lay those addictions at the feet of God's throne and ask for healing from those longings and desires, in order to live out the faith I claim has set me free, in order to demonstrate to my young daughters that they are precious children of God who have been showered with blessing and who can stand firm in the hope that this "stuff" doesn't make a darn bit of difference, but living for God is all they NEED.
It's tough to live at this time and in this place and try to go out to dinner with all your pretty girlfriends without the cutest new outfit and a mani/pedi. That is sad, really, that is sad. But it's the truth and one that I am not proud of struggling with. I must say though that I've done pretty good for the last couple months since I have gotten away from this lifestyle and have felt better, a little more free and much less defined by the world.
But then I went and did the unthinkable....I went to Target on Monday and to the mall today....and now there is a war going on inside me and I want, want, want! It's crazy, like someone unleashed an animal inside me that wants the next best thing and swears that I will feel good, so my life will be better if I just have that top....
I am trying to abandon all those superficial desires in order to strip myself of worldly influence, in order to focus more healthy attention on my family and my faith, in order to lay those addictions at the feet of God's throne and ask for healing from those longings and desires, in order to live out the faith I claim has set me free, in order to demonstrate to my young daughters that they are precious children of God who have been showered with blessing and who can stand firm in the hope that this "stuff" doesn't make a darn bit of difference, but living for God is all they NEED.
It's tough to live at this time and in this place and try to go out to dinner with all your pretty girlfriends without the cutest new outfit and a mani/pedi. That is sad, really, that is sad. But it's the truth and one that I am not proud of struggling with. I must say though that I've done pretty good for the last couple months since I have gotten away from this lifestyle and have felt better, a little more free and much less defined by the world.
But then I went and did the unthinkable....I went to Target on Monday and to the mall today....and now there is a war going on inside me and I want, want, want! It's crazy, like someone unleashed an animal inside me that wants the next best thing and swears that I will feel good, so my life will be better if I just have that top....
Thursday, June 12, 2008
More Than "This World" Has To Offer
At the encouragement of 2 staff people at Acres of Love, including the founder, Gerda, I am starting to read "A Chance to Die." (it got the fast pass into my hands even though I have a stack of about 10 Christian and South Africa books I am eager to get into!!) It is the life and legacy of Amy Carmichael, who understood true discipleship and lived it out. She felt the call to the mission field, followed God's guidance and eventually went to India and founded a refuge for orphans. I am only about 50 pages in, but already feel a weird sense of understanding of Amy's heart and faith.
On page 37 I read about how Amy had gone to this Christian convention. At the end of the night the chairman rose for the last prayer..."O Lord, we know Thou art able to keep us from falling." and Amy says that "those words found me. It was as if they were alight. And they shone for me." She sounds like a passionate, romantic....I can relate.
Her biographer writes that after the convention Amy went out for lunch. "The mutton chops they ordered were badly cooked. Mutton chops? thought Amy. What does it matter about Mutton Chops? The Lord is able to keep us from falling! To keep us from falling! This, this at last, was what she had prayed and agonized for...If mutton chops didn't matter anymore, neither did clothes...She was now, in the language of the apostle Paul, "dead to the world." To Amy, the world meant fashion, finery, luxury of any sort. She would follow Him who had no home, no earthly possessions beyond the bare minimum. She would be 'dead to the world and its applause, to all its customs, fashions, laws.' It is the measure of her commitment that she did not hesitate to relinquish all that seemed to her inimical to the true life of discipleship."
Funny, these words seemed alight for me.
I have felt this way since the beginning of my Christian walk. I have felt increasingly "dead to the world" as I have come to know Christ more and more. Before I knew Christ I was "of this world," grading myself based on the standards that others put in place. I was preoccupied with status and wealth and nice things, who strived for the good life and comfortable future, who desired security, who bought into this culture and time.
But once I came to truly know Christ, my priorities and desires changed. Since I have accepted his offer of forgiveness and cleansing and a chance to be "reborn," I see things through His eyes and not my own. Now I feel like I understand what this whole life is really about. It's not about wealth and stuff and getting ahead and worldly success or even about comfort or security. It's about love and freedom and peace. It's about being free in Christ, truly free to accept love and to share love with others. It's not about us, it's about Him. It's about getting over ourselves, getting over our pride and our ego and the idea that we are in charge. It's about surrendering and admitting that we don't have it all figured out, and that we trust that God does and that we want to live for the Creator that is finishing the good work He once started.
Lately I've had the sense that God is really trying to show me that I can claim this freedom in Him, that I don't have to submit to the standards of this world, that He is calling me to a much more meaningful life of truly loving Him and others and making a lasting difference in the lives of orphaned children in Africa. I get the feeling that God wants to me be aware that there is so much more to this life that I will have when I commit to following Him no matter where that takes me, more than I would have if I were to sit still and fearfully cling to the "stuff" and status of this world.
As I navigate through this season that God is taking me through, I pray for wisdom. Being the passionate, romantic, I want to abandon it all! I want to be like Amy Carmichael. Because of her commitment to the Lord she could no longer see enjoyment in Mutton Chops and fashion. I am beginning to have feelings like that too. Since I know of the pain and suffering that goes on in South Africa I am having trouble enjoying food and leisure and any non-necessity anymore. Things just don't look and taste and feel the same to me now. I pray that God will work this all out within me and show me where He needs me and wants me to be. I pray that I will move slowly, not get ahead of myself that I will be still and quiet enough to sense his leading and that I will just get out of the way so that He can do His thing!
On page 37 I read about how Amy had gone to this Christian convention. At the end of the night the chairman rose for the last prayer..."O Lord, we know Thou art able to keep us from falling." and Amy says that "those words found me. It was as if they were alight. And they shone for me." She sounds like a passionate, romantic....I can relate.
Her biographer writes that after the convention Amy went out for lunch. "The mutton chops they ordered were badly cooked. Mutton chops? thought Amy. What does it matter about Mutton Chops? The Lord is able to keep us from falling! To keep us from falling! This, this at last, was what she had prayed and agonized for...If mutton chops didn't matter anymore, neither did clothes...She was now, in the language of the apostle Paul, "dead to the world." To Amy, the world meant fashion, finery, luxury of any sort. She would follow Him who had no home, no earthly possessions beyond the bare minimum. She would be 'dead to the world and its applause, to all its customs, fashions, laws.' It is the measure of her commitment that she did not hesitate to relinquish all that seemed to her inimical to the true life of discipleship."
Funny, these words seemed alight for me.
I have felt this way since the beginning of my Christian walk. I have felt increasingly "dead to the world" as I have come to know Christ more and more. Before I knew Christ I was "of this world," grading myself based on the standards that others put in place. I was preoccupied with status and wealth and nice things, who strived for the good life and comfortable future, who desired security, who bought into this culture and time.
But once I came to truly know Christ, my priorities and desires changed. Since I have accepted his offer of forgiveness and cleansing and a chance to be "reborn," I see things through His eyes and not my own. Now I feel like I understand what this whole life is really about. It's not about wealth and stuff and getting ahead and worldly success or even about comfort or security. It's about love and freedom and peace. It's about being free in Christ, truly free to accept love and to share love with others. It's not about us, it's about Him. It's about getting over ourselves, getting over our pride and our ego and the idea that we are in charge. It's about surrendering and admitting that we don't have it all figured out, and that we trust that God does and that we want to live for the Creator that is finishing the good work He once started.
Lately I've had the sense that God is really trying to show me that I can claim this freedom in Him, that I don't have to submit to the standards of this world, that He is calling me to a much more meaningful life of truly loving Him and others and making a lasting difference in the lives of orphaned children in Africa. I get the feeling that God wants to me be aware that there is so much more to this life that I will have when I commit to following Him no matter where that takes me, more than I would have if I were to sit still and fearfully cling to the "stuff" and status of this world.
As I navigate through this season that God is taking me through, I pray for wisdom. Being the passionate, romantic, I want to abandon it all! I want to be like Amy Carmichael. Because of her commitment to the Lord she could no longer see enjoyment in Mutton Chops and fashion. I am beginning to have feelings like that too. Since I know of the pain and suffering that goes on in South Africa I am having trouble enjoying food and leisure and any non-necessity anymore. Things just don't look and taste and feel the same to me now. I pray that God will work this all out within me and show me where He needs me and wants me to be. I pray that I will move slowly, not get ahead of myself that I will be still and quiet enough to sense his leading and that I will just get out of the way so that He can do His thing!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Even Through The Flood
My trip to South Africa in September to work with the kids at Acres of Love costs $5000. We do not have that money. So I decided to send out a letter to 140 of my closest friends and family :), explaining my passion for this cause, my commitment to fundraise for the kids, and my desire to travel to South Africa to meet the children, work with them and experience how the organization is run. I asked, if they could, to donate money for my travels.
In the meantime, I was very persistent in prayer, begging God to provide the funds for me to go if that was His plan for me and asking for a clear answer if it wasn't. I had faith that getting to $5000 was possible, seeing as I was certain that God had clearly called me to work with Acres of Love and with Him all things were possible, but there was a private part of me that was terrified that I wasn't going to raise the money, wasn't going to make the trip and was going to be left without the experience of knowing the kids firsthand.
Then, if the money matters in our home weren't tight enough, a few days before a big deposit was due for the trip and my funds were coming up short....I came downstairs in the morning to a flood in our kitchen! So now we are forking over $1000 to our insurance company and I am left wondering "Okay God, what am I supposed to do now?! I am trying to have faith that you will provide for me, but where is the money gonna come from?" I was still certain that going on this trip to South Africa was a step in obedience towards the God that called me there, so I began the process to list things all over my house for sale on Craig's List. I am of the mind set that nothing will keep me from those kids, nothing will keep me from my calling, no personal possession will prevent me from responding to what God wants from my life. I began to see life differently. Suddenly everything had a price tag and a way to get me to South Africa and I felt a shift in my whole outlook on life and material gain and status and the world. Things became crystal clear to me and I started to see where God was leading me and my future with all of Africa and the HIV pandemic and orphans and our obligation to do whatever it takes to step out and be His saving presence to a hurting people. There was a new fire in me and I knew I had to get to South Africa, meet those kids, understand their struggles, and come back to America an educated ambassador to fight for them.
A couple days later I get a call from Acres of Love that someone had made an anonymous donation towards my trip for $1000!! Later that same day I got word that another anonymous donation had been made in the amount of $1500!!!
God is so good, so faithful, so capable, so very real and alive and present and working. I am blown away by the way that He showed up in this situation and shouted out to me that He is faithful to provide and He is blessing my efforts with Acres and He is present with all my life's drama and He is working through me and the lives of His people to accomplish His purpose. You cannot tell me that getting $2500 in anonymous donations right after this flood is not God! I am still in awe and disbelief and shaking my head and giggling, And my heart is singing that God has confirmed that I am where he wants me. I am going to South Africa!!
In the meantime, I was very persistent in prayer, begging God to provide the funds for me to go if that was His plan for me and asking for a clear answer if it wasn't. I had faith that getting to $5000 was possible, seeing as I was certain that God had clearly called me to work with Acres of Love and with Him all things were possible, but there was a private part of me that was terrified that I wasn't going to raise the money, wasn't going to make the trip and was going to be left without the experience of knowing the kids firsthand.
Then, if the money matters in our home weren't tight enough, a few days before a big deposit was due for the trip and my funds were coming up short....I came downstairs in the morning to a flood in our kitchen! So now we are forking over $1000 to our insurance company and I am left wondering "Okay God, what am I supposed to do now?! I am trying to have faith that you will provide for me, but where is the money gonna come from?" I was still certain that going on this trip to South Africa was a step in obedience towards the God that called me there, so I began the process to list things all over my house for sale on Craig's List. I am of the mind set that nothing will keep me from those kids, nothing will keep me from my calling, no personal possession will prevent me from responding to what God wants from my life. I began to see life differently. Suddenly everything had a price tag and a way to get me to South Africa and I felt a shift in my whole outlook on life and material gain and status and the world. Things became crystal clear to me and I started to see where God was leading me and my future with all of Africa and the HIV pandemic and orphans and our obligation to do whatever it takes to step out and be His saving presence to a hurting people. There was a new fire in me and I knew I had to get to South Africa, meet those kids, understand their struggles, and come back to America an educated ambassador to fight for them.
A couple days later I get a call from Acres of Love that someone had made an anonymous donation towards my trip for $1000!! Later that same day I got word that another anonymous donation had been made in the amount of $1500!!!
God is so good, so faithful, so capable, so very real and alive and present and working. I am blown away by the way that He showed up in this situation and shouted out to me that He is faithful to provide and He is blessing my efforts with Acres and He is present with all my life's drama and He is working through me and the lives of His people to accomplish His purpose. You cannot tell me that getting $2500 in anonymous donations right after this flood is not God! I am still in awe and disbelief and shaking my head and giggling, And my heart is singing that God has confirmed that I am where he wants me. I am going to South Africa!!
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