In my last entry, I wrote about how amazing it is that when you put your complete faith in Jesus Christ, that God's Holy Spirit takes up residence in your body...literally. Although it's a tough concept to accept, especially in 2007, I am living proof of it's truth. Not that my life was a complete mess before I met God, it wasn't, it was looking real good and my life was going great. But for me, that was exactly the problem. My life was full of blessings and I was terrified that it was all going to come to an end at any moment. I lived in fear that something terrible was going to happen and turn my life upside down. That is no way to live. God met me in that fear, shook things up, had me face it head on and then called me to him. I answered. I took the time to read and learn, to ask questions and challenge beliefs. And during that searching period, somewhere along the way, I made the decision to give up control and let God take over. I have no idea when it happened, but my heart changed and for the first time my life I felt whole and safe and purposeful. I didn't have anything to do with that, I can't take credit for any of it, it was God's spirit, moving inside of me, that made the change.
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." 2 Corinthians 4:7
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Supernatural in 2007
"On the day of Pentecost all believers were meeting together in one place. Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm......And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit."
Acts 2:1-4
When Jesus went to heaven, his followers were empowered by God's Holy Spirit. This Spirit was the promised Advocate and Guide.
By simply putting their faith in Jesus Christ, people can claim that the Holy Spirit's power is in them.
So....because I put my faith in Jesus Christ....I literally have the Holy Spirit of God within me.
That's a tough one, I have to admit. How are we, in 2007, to believe all of this supernatural stuff? Am I REALLY supposed to accept and try to explain to others that my body is the dwelling place of the Spirit of God?
In John 3:6-7 Jesus says "Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life...You must be born again."
I do believe this. I do believe that once I truly made the decision to leave my "old life," once I realized and repented of my sinful ways, once I asked God to forgive me and to make me new, once I began inviting God into my life in everyway so that I could be closer to Him and more aware of his purpose for my life....that's when I felt truly alive. That is when my new and improved and full and purposeful life began. I am a changed person in so many ways. I have a fire and stirring inside me that I can only explain one way. I do believe, that the Creator of the universe has given me his Holy Spirit. I believe and am convinced that through His Spirit I am now able to have complete faith, to understand and use what I learn from the Bible, to be a more loving, compassionate, whole and peaceful person.
Yes, Even in 2007, we could use a little supernatural!
Acts 2:1-4
When Jesus went to heaven, his followers were empowered by God's Holy Spirit. This Spirit was the promised Advocate and Guide.
By simply putting their faith in Jesus Christ, people can claim that the Holy Spirit's power is in them.
So....because I put my faith in Jesus Christ....I literally have the Holy Spirit of God within me.
That's a tough one, I have to admit. How are we, in 2007, to believe all of this supernatural stuff? Am I REALLY supposed to accept and try to explain to others that my body is the dwelling place of the Spirit of God?
In John 3:6-7 Jesus says "Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life...You must be born again."
I do believe this. I do believe that once I truly made the decision to leave my "old life," once I realized and repented of my sinful ways, once I asked God to forgive me and to make me new, once I began inviting God into my life in everyway so that I could be closer to Him and more aware of his purpose for my life....that's when I felt truly alive. That is when my new and improved and full and purposeful life began. I am a changed person in so many ways. I have a fire and stirring inside me that I can only explain one way. I do believe, that the Creator of the universe has given me his Holy Spirit. I believe and am convinced that through His Spirit I am now able to have complete faith, to understand and use what I learn from the Bible, to be a more loving, compassionate, whole and peaceful person.
Yes, Even in 2007, we could use a little supernatural!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
"From This Moment"
Let's pretend for a moment that you were in my backyard this morning, at 8:30ish, peeking in through the kitchen window at my family. This is what you would have seen.....
Me at the sink, in my pajamas, cleaning up from a delicious breakfast that Mark had made. He got the girls up for me this morning, took them downstairs and made scrambled eggs with left over chili. (a family favorite for Saturday morning!) We had the iPod plugged in and playing loudly. (another family favorite for Saturday morning!) Our wedding song came on, "From This Moment" by Shania Twain. Mark took both of the girls in his arms, he sang the song softly to them and they danced around the kitchen, in their jammies. The girls were resting their heads on his shoulders, Katelyn with her eyes closed and the most serious look on her face. She was really into it, enjoying the embrace and really in love with her daddy. I watched from the sink, tears welling up in my eyes. When we got married and danced to that song, we were sooooo in love. But I never knew that our love would take this shape and form. I never could have imagined how it would feel to watch my daughters fall in love with him as I had. It's so beautiful to witness their deep admiration for him. I feel so good that I have provided this standard for my daughters. They are in the presence of such a good man and experiencing an authentic, loyal and unconditional love that will help to shape and mold them.
I never knew that some of the happiest moments for us as a couple would come while I was in my jammies, at the kitchen sink, while I watched the loves of my life hold each other and dance. Life is so, so good!
Me at the sink, in my pajamas, cleaning up from a delicious breakfast that Mark had made. He got the girls up for me this morning, took them downstairs and made scrambled eggs with left over chili. (a family favorite for Saturday morning!) We had the iPod plugged in and playing loudly. (another family favorite for Saturday morning!) Our wedding song came on, "From This Moment" by Shania Twain. Mark took both of the girls in his arms, he sang the song softly to them and they danced around the kitchen, in their jammies. The girls were resting their heads on his shoulders, Katelyn with her eyes closed and the most serious look on her face. She was really into it, enjoying the embrace and really in love with her daddy. I watched from the sink, tears welling up in my eyes. When we got married and danced to that song, we were sooooo in love. But I never knew that our love would take this shape and form. I never could have imagined how it would feel to watch my daughters fall in love with him as I had. It's so beautiful to witness their deep admiration for him. I feel so good that I have provided this standard for my daughters. They are in the presence of such a good man and experiencing an authentic, loyal and unconditional love that will help to shape and mold them.
I never knew that some of the happiest moments for us as a couple would come while I was in my jammies, at the kitchen sink, while I watched the loves of my life hold each other and dance. Life is so, so good!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Room in the Budget?
I'm a stay-at-home mom. We are operating on my husband's income alone. He works very hard and does a wonderful job of providing for our family. But it's tough and the money is tight.
A couple of months ago I begged my husband to put me on a budget. He didn't want to. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of restricting me. He would just tell me to be more aware of how much I was spending and to please just try to cut back. But I knew myself, all too well, and I was having trouble. I was in a bad habit of spending too much money, on a very regular basis, and I knew it was really starting to hurt us. My husband was becoming more and more overwhelmed with the burden of trying to provide for our family, and I realized that I was contributing to his stress and anxiety.
I am a very structured person, and I need rules and guidelines. I begged, "Honey, please, put me on a budget. I need it. Tell me how much I am allowed to spend each week. Give me a number!" He did and it's been great. I have done such a good job of adhering to that number, and I have even come back to him twice, telling him I could survive on less, and we have lowered that weekly allowance significantly.
Not only has this budget saved us a lot of money, but it's helped to strengthen the relationship between Mark and I, it's forced me to re-set my priorities on what I spend money on, how I spend my time and what things are most important to our family. It's motivated us to really take a hard look at why we were spending money on the things we were and what we were really trying to gain.
Our church is in the middle of a Capital Campaign to raise money for some building renovations and some important and exciting mission projects. When I first heard about it I was worried that we were not going to be able to contribute to the work that our church wanted to do for the community. I thought to myself, "We are barely getting by right now, how are we going to give anything!?!?"
I realized that God has been preparing me for this Campaign for months. He lead me right into this place, at this time. Through all of this budget stuff and new priorities, He made me see that I can cut back, easily, in my own life. He helped me to realize that as I am spending less, I am needing less, I am appreciating and enjoying more, I am living and loving more. And from that place of love, I will cut back...even more....so that I can give!!
A couple of months ago I begged my husband to put me on a budget. He didn't want to. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of restricting me. He would just tell me to be more aware of how much I was spending and to please just try to cut back. But I knew myself, all too well, and I was having trouble. I was in a bad habit of spending too much money, on a very regular basis, and I knew it was really starting to hurt us. My husband was becoming more and more overwhelmed with the burden of trying to provide for our family, and I realized that I was contributing to his stress and anxiety.
I am a very structured person, and I need rules and guidelines. I begged, "Honey, please, put me on a budget. I need it. Tell me how much I am allowed to spend each week. Give me a number!" He did and it's been great. I have done such a good job of adhering to that number, and I have even come back to him twice, telling him I could survive on less, and we have lowered that weekly allowance significantly.
Not only has this budget saved us a lot of money, but it's helped to strengthen the relationship between Mark and I, it's forced me to re-set my priorities on what I spend money on, how I spend my time and what things are most important to our family. It's motivated us to really take a hard look at why we were spending money on the things we were and what we were really trying to gain.
Our church is in the middle of a Capital Campaign to raise money for some building renovations and some important and exciting mission projects. When I first heard about it I was worried that we were not going to be able to contribute to the work that our church wanted to do for the community. I thought to myself, "We are barely getting by right now, how are we going to give anything!?!?"
I realized that God has been preparing me for this Campaign for months. He lead me right into this place, at this time. Through all of this budget stuff and new priorities, He made me see that I can cut back, easily, in my own life. He helped me to realize that as I am spending less, I am needing less, I am appreciating and enjoying more, I am living and loving more. And from that place of love, I will cut back...even more....so that I can give!!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
a BIG lesson from a LITTLE girl
Funny how it was just last week that I was bragging about being at the "top of my game." I was really feeling like I had things figured out and was functioning at my best. Well, let this be a lesson that once you reach your goal, it takes a lot of work to just maintain.
I have been feeling so overwhelmed and scattered this week. (and a little of last week too, I must admit. Can someone say GRUMPY?) It's obvious that, once again, I have taken on one too many things, agreed to too many extra curricular activities for our family and am spread way too thin. I should know that things are on a downward spiral in our home when my poor husband has to fish for his boxer shorts every morning from the large mountain of clean laundry that is on top of the pool table! I've just been on edge, ready to explode and not the most patient or pleasant wife and mommy lately.
This morning I was rushing from one thing to the next, as usual. I hurried through my workout, and while I took a quick shower I prayed. I had a fast chat with God and asked for some much needed patience and tranquility and calm to get me through the day. Moments later I was frantically coaxing my daughter to get ready for her dance lesson that we were on the verge of being late for. She threw herself on the floor and cried "I don't want to go. We are always going somewhere. I want to stay home. Let's just stay home!!"
Well, thank you God for that much needed intervention! I looked at her adoringly and agreed, "Katelyn, you're right, let's just stay home!"
So we just hung out and I finally folded and put away all that laundry. And while I got stuff done around the house I watched my girls play dress up together, and build a fort in the closet and play "jumping" in Taylor's crib and I watched Katelyn pull Taylor around on her rocking horse while they both giggled and yelled " Yee Haw, Ride "Em Cowboy!"
It's so hard for me to find the perfect balance that works. I want so much to be a good stay-at-home mom. I truly want to be a supportive, attractive and attentive wife, a dedicated and effective mother, I want to be competant at taking care of the house and of my family. I enjoy this job, take pride and pleasure in it and believe that I can do it well. But, darn, it's hard! It's so difficult to take care of those things and those people, and to still have time and energy take care of myself, to nurture my relationship with God and to explore my own passions and interests. It's impossible to give 100% to all of those areas...and for me....it's even more hard not to.
I am grateful that instead of driving like a maniac to get to a dance lesson that Katelyn doesn't even care about....I instead heard the voice of my God through my daughter. It sounded something like this....."Kim, slow down!"
I have been feeling so overwhelmed and scattered this week. (and a little of last week too, I must admit. Can someone say GRUMPY?) It's obvious that, once again, I have taken on one too many things, agreed to too many extra curricular activities for our family and am spread way too thin. I should know that things are on a downward spiral in our home when my poor husband has to fish for his boxer shorts every morning from the large mountain of clean laundry that is on top of the pool table! I've just been on edge, ready to explode and not the most patient or pleasant wife and mommy lately.
This morning I was rushing from one thing to the next, as usual. I hurried through my workout, and while I took a quick shower I prayed. I had a fast chat with God and asked for some much needed patience and tranquility and calm to get me through the day. Moments later I was frantically coaxing my daughter to get ready for her dance lesson that we were on the verge of being late for. She threw herself on the floor and cried "I don't want to go. We are always going somewhere. I want to stay home. Let's just stay home!!"
Well, thank you God for that much needed intervention! I looked at her adoringly and agreed, "Katelyn, you're right, let's just stay home!"
So we just hung out and I finally folded and put away all that laundry. And while I got stuff done around the house I watched my girls play dress up together, and build a fort in the closet and play "jumping" in Taylor's crib and I watched Katelyn pull Taylor around on her rocking horse while they both giggled and yelled " Yee Haw, Ride "Em Cowboy!"
It's so hard for me to find the perfect balance that works. I want so much to be a good stay-at-home mom. I truly want to be a supportive, attractive and attentive wife, a dedicated and effective mother, I want to be competant at taking care of the house and of my family. I enjoy this job, take pride and pleasure in it and believe that I can do it well. But, darn, it's hard! It's so difficult to take care of those things and those people, and to still have time and energy take care of myself, to nurture my relationship with God and to explore my own passions and interests. It's impossible to give 100% to all of those areas...and for me....it's even more hard not to.
I am grateful that instead of driving like a maniac to get to a dance lesson that Katelyn doesn't even care about....I instead heard the voice of my God through my daughter. It sounded something like this....."Kim, slow down!"
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Want To Know What Heaven Is Like?
COME SEE!
I thank God everyday for bringing me to this place. really, I do. Everyday in my prayers I literally thank God for leading Mark and I to San Clemente and to this wonderful little neighborhood in Talega. We are living on the end of a culdasac, at what I believe, is the very best spot in the whole community. We have such awesome neighbors, all young and kind and invested families. It's the best place to raise our kidlets.
And I thank God for urging me to try out San Clemente Presbyterian. From the first time I walked on that campus, I felt at home. (which says A LOT for a girl who was fearful and unfamiliar with churches and "churchy" people!") I loved the music, the clapping and dancing and singing like you mean it. I loved the smiles on every one's face and the "hi there, how are you today?" that poured out of everyone you walked by. Was this church or Disneyland? I loved the messages that were given in the sermons, so challenging yet easy to understand and so applicable to our everyday life. I loved how the church really wanted to get involved with the greater community and make a difference and really wanted to be in the business of saving lives. I love this place, love the people, love the mission, love the location, love how my kids love it and love how my heart is full and warm every time I am there. I just want to be there, all the time, surrounded by it's people and engrossed in it's work. I want to tell everyone I know about this place so that they can see how awesome God's people are. If this is a small glimpse of what heaven is like....man....I can't wait!
I thank God everyday for bringing me to this place. really, I do. Everyday in my prayers I literally thank God for leading Mark and I to San Clemente and to this wonderful little neighborhood in Talega. We are living on the end of a culdasac, at what I believe, is the very best spot in the whole community. We have such awesome neighbors, all young and kind and invested families. It's the best place to raise our kidlets.
And I thank God for urging me to try out San Clemente Presbyterian. From the first time I walked on that campus, I felt at home. (which says A LOT for a girl who was fearful and unfamiliar with churches and "churchy" people!") I loved the music, the clapping and dancing and singing like you mean it. I loved the smiles on every one's face and the "hi there, how are you today?" that poured out of everyone you walked by. Was this church or Disneyland? I loved the messages that were given in the sermons, so challenging yet easy to understand and so applicable to our everyday life. I loved how the church really wanted to get involved with the greater community and make a difference and really wanted to be in the business of saving lives. I love this place, love the people, love the mission, love the location, love how my kids love it and love how my heart is full and warm every time I am there. I just want to be there, all the time, surrounded by it's people and engrossed in it's work. I want to tell everyone I know about this place so that they can see how awesome God's people are. If this is a small glimpse of what heaven is like....man....I can't wait!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
"Faith is not something you have, it's something you do"
I love that quote, and have spent the last year really trying to live it out. It is taken from page 29 of a brilliant book written by my pastor, Tod Bolsinger, called "Showtime, Living Down Hypocrisy By Living Out The Faith."
When I discovered God, realized my purpose and ultimately found my true love, peace and joy...I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops and tell everyone I knew all about it, so that they too could experience this awesomeness. But that would make me one of "those!" You know....those "born again, Bible banging, Jesus freaks." (and really, I am all of those, but I try not to show it too much, it scares people!)
And I especially wanted to get my husband on board. I wanted to teach him all that I was learning and have him be right by my side on this journey. Well he made it clear that he was very happy for me and supportive of my quest, but that he didn't have the same "fire" that I did. You have to remember, that he married a girl who was really "anti religion" and skeptical of all this "churchy" stuff. He was pretty awesome to be so open minded, and he really must have thought I had lost it. (We met at a fraternity party at San Diego State for goodness sakes....who was this new chick??)
So, I really had to pull back and keep my mouth shut, have my actions be a display of my new faith and just pray. It was my hope that people would notice the sincere change in me, that they would be able to tell that I was happy, and at peace, living with great purpose and reason. I clung on to Tod's messages of "living out my faith" and prayed that God would do the rest of the work.
Mark and I have come a long way. He has definitely noticed the major changes in me and has on many occasions praised me for my dedication and commitment. Last year for my birthday he gave me a bracelet with the words "INSPIRE" engraved on it and told me it was because I was inspiring people with my faith. PRAISE! (notice the name of my blog, thanks Mark!) And then for this past Mother's Day he gave me a card that said "Everyday you remind me how wonderful God meant love to be. Thanks for bringing us on this journey." PRAISE!!
Tod was so right. I put my faith into action, prayed for God to do the hard work, and it is happening right before my eyes. How cool is that?
"Preach the Gospel at all times....use words if necessary."
When I discovered God, realized my purpose and ultimately found my true love, peace and joy...I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops and tell everyone I knew all about it, so that they too could experience this awesomeness. But that would make me one of "those!" You know....those "born again, Bible banging, Jesus freaks." (and really, I am all of those, but I try not to show it too much, it scares people!)
And I especially wanted to get my husband on board. I wanted to teach him all that I was learning and have him be right by my side on this journey. Well he made it clear that he was very happy for me and supportive of my quest, but that he didn't have the same "fire" that I did. You have to remember, that he married a girl who was really "anti religion" and skeptical of all this "churchy" stuff. He was pretty awesome to be so open minded, and he really must have thought I had lost it. (We met at a fraternity party at San Diego State for goodness sakes....who was this new chick??)
So, I really had to pull back and keep my mouth shut, have my actions be a display of my new faith and just pray. It was my hope that people would notice the sincere change in me, that they would be able to tell that I was happy, and at peace, living with great purpose and reason. I clung on to Tod's messages of "living out my faith" and prayed that God would do the rest of the work.
Mark and I have come a long way. He has definitely noticed the major changes in me and has on many occasions praised me for my dedication and commitment. Last year for my birthday he gave me a bracelet with the words "INSPIRE" engraved on it and told me it was because I was inspiring people with my faith. PRAISE! (notice the name of my blog, thanks Mark!) And then for this past Mother's Day he gave me a card that said "Everyday you remind me how wonderful God meant love to be. Thanks for bringing us on this journey." PRAISE!!
Tod was so right. I put my faith into action, prayed for God to do the hard work, and it is happening right before my eyes. How cool is that?
"Preach the Gospel at all times....use words if necessary."
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Congruent
Hi, my name is Kim...and I go to a therapist.
(That's always a little scary to admit!!)
I've been seeing her weekly for just about a year and it's been an awesome experience. I started to go because I found myself overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a stay-at-home mom. The job was really getting to me and I was losing my patience, feeling anxious and stressed all the time and knew that this was not how I wanted to be as a mother. So I started seeing my therapist to get "my stuff" figured out so that I could be the calm, focused, effective, deliberate and perfect mother and wife that I wanted to be.
"What is perfect?" This was the question that my therapist posed to me all the time in the beginning. I had this very unrealistic idea of who I was supposed to be. How and why I got those ideas took a lot of time to uncover, but the work was well worth it. I began to see that I was trying to be this "someone" that I had dreamt up, and had never really learned who "I" was.
Over the course of a year, I spent time learning about the deep and honest truths of myself, spent time praying, spent time in God's Word, spent time in Bible study, spent time learning how to be healthy in diet and exercise, spent time looking hard at my priorities with money and status and material gain, spent time in deep conversation with my husband about the type of family that we truly wanted to raise.
This past Monday, I sat across from my therapist and reported all of the great things that are going on in my life. I was telling her how crazy it was that everything seems to be functioning at it's best, that all is well and good and right. I was beaming, confident, comfortable in my own skin. She said to me.....
"Kim....you are congruent. What is happening on the inside, is happening on the outside."
I realized that I had kinda gotten over myself. I discovered that the focus was no longer on who I wanted to be, because I was finally me. I was just myself, just Kim, and that was good. And because I was no longer preoccupied with all the figuring out, I could just spend time "being" and it really was working.
(That's always a little scary to admit!!)
I've been seeing her weekly for just about a year and it's been an awesome experience. I started to go because I found myself overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a stay-at-home mom. The job was really getting to me and I was losing my patience, feeling anxious and stressed all the time and knew that this was not how I wanted to be as a mother. So I started seeing my therapist to get "my stuff" figured out so that I could be the calm, focused, effective, deliberate and perfect mother and wife that I wanted to be.
"What is perfect?" This was the question that my therapist posed to me all the time in the beginning. I had this very unrealistic idea of who I was supposed to be. How and why I got those ideas took a lot of time to uncover, but the work was well worth it. I began to see that I was trying to be this "someone" that I had dreamt up, and had never really learned who "I" was.
Over the course of a year, I spent time learning about the deep and honest truths of myself, spent time praying, spent time in God's Word, spent time in Bible study, spent time learning how to be healthy in diet and exercise, spent time looking hard at my priorities with money and status and material gain, spent time in deep conversation with my husband about the type of family that we truly wanted to raise.
This past Monday, I sat across from my therapist and reported all of the great things that are going on in my life. I was telling her how crazy it was that everything seems to be functioning at it's best, that all is well and good and right. I was beaming, confident, comfortable in my own skin. She said to me.....
"Kim....you are congruent. What is happening on the inside, is happening on the outside."
I realized that I had kinda gotten over myself. I discovered that the focus was no longer on who I wanted to be, because I was finally me. I was just myself, just Kim, and that was good. And because I was no longer preoccupied with all the figuring out, I could just spend time "being" and it really was working.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Still Struggling
I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief. -Mark 9:24
In the quiet of my own thoughts and prayers I am strong, confident, proud and secure in my faith. When I am reading my Bible, I am assured, convinced, certain and I believe. When I am among my friends at church I feel comfortable, at ease, accepted and understood.
Yet when tragedy hits the community, or the news tells of violence, poverty and disease or a curious "unbeliever" questions me....I panic. It only lasts for a moment, but it's scary. What if I'm wrong? How can I have come so far and still be at the beginning?
I guess no matter how much I read, study and learn, I will still struggle with my faith. Faith is not something that we get without help. "And you can't take credit for this, it is a gift from God." (Ephesians 2:8) I will just have to continue to GROW in faith and keep coming to God to renew me.
In the quiet of my own thoughts and prayers I am strong, confident, proud and secure in my faith. When I am reading my Bible, I am assured, convinced, certain and I believe. When I am among my friends at church I feel comfortable, at ease, accepted and understood.
Yet when tragedy hits the community, or the news tells of violence, poverty and disease or a curious "unbeliever" questions me....I panic. It only lasts for a moment, but it's scary. What if I'm wrong? How can I have come so far and still be at the beginning?
I guess no matter how much I read, study and learn, I will still struggle with my faith. Faith is not something that we get without help. "And you can't take credit for this, it is a gift from God." (Ephesians 2:8) I will just have to continue to GROW in faith and keep coming to God to renew me.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Prayers For This Child
Almost a week ago a Ladera Ranch mother lost her 3 young children in a car accident. She was driving home from the mall, her kids buckled in safely, and her mother riding next to her in the passenger seat. They had probably driven that same stretch of the 5 Fwy hundreds of times. Yet, on that very day, her life was changed forever, as a big rig slammed into the back of her car and claimed the life of her children.
The last couple of days I have been holding my girls tighter, and breathing in their smell a little deeper, and resting in their gaze a little longer, and enjoying their snuggles more. And as I feel my blood pressure rising because Katelyn wont brush her teeth, I stop and praise God that she is here to brush them!
I have been praying so much for those parents who lost their children, for their strength and courage and peace. But I have to admit that my mind quickly wanders off and I start begging for my own safety and that of my children's. I begin to plead for God to keep my family out of harm's way and to please never let a tragedy like this enter my home. But I could pray and pray over my girls all day and still feel like I haven't covered it all.
I use to wonder what "faith" meant. I'll never forget the morning I knew for sure what it was. Mark and I were flying to Northern California to visit my brother for the night. It was the first time that we had flown together without the kids. As I showered, I prayed, "God, please bless us with safe travels. Please give us good weather, make sure that the plane is working right, and that the pilots are alert, and that the air traffic controllers are paying attention..." I realized that there was no way that I could pray for everything and everybody that could have an impact on my flight. So I ended my prayer with, ".... I get it, I just have to surrender control and put my trust in you and know that you have a plan for me and it's better than anything I could ever come up with on my own. I have faith."
Sara Groves sings it so well in her song "Prayers For This Child." Please check out this link and click on the song. (it's from the album Station Wagon) It gets me every single time!
http://www.saragroves.com/store.asp
and for article on Coble family....
http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1681224.php
The last couple of days I have been holding my girls tighter, and breathing in their smell a little deeper, and resting in their gaze a little longer, and enjoying their snuggles more. And as I feel my blood pressure rising because Katelyn wont brush her teeth, I stop and praise God that she is here to brush them!
I have been praying so much for those parents who lost their children, for their strength and courage and peace. But I have to admit that my mind quickly wanders off and I start begging for my own safety and that of my children's. I begin to plead for God to keep my family out of harm's way and to please never let a tragedy like this enter my home. But I could pray and pray over my girls all day and still feel like I haven't covered it all.
I use to wonder what "faith" meant. I'll never forget the morning I knew for sure what it was. Mark and I were flying to Northern California to visit my brother for the night. It was the first time that we had flown together without the kids. As I showered, I prayed, "God, please bless us with safe travels. Please give us good weather, make sure that the plane is working right, and that the pilots are alert, and that the air traffic controllers are paying attention..." I realized that there was no way that I could pray for everything and everybody that could have an impact on my flight. So I ended my prayer with, ".... I get it, I just have to surrender control and put my trust in you and know that you have a plan for me and it's better than anything I could ever come up with on my own. I have faith."
Sara Groves sings it so well in her song "Prayers For This Child." Please check out this link and click on the song. (it's from the album Station Wagon) It gets me every single time!
http://www.saragroves.com/store.asp
and for article on Coble family....
http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1681224.php
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
My wish for raising girls
"A mother who radiates self love and self acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self esteem." -Naomi Wolf
May I always take good care of my body, eat healthy, exercise, take my vitamins, protect my skin. May I treat my body as the temple that it is. May I be satisfied with myself, enjoying the body, the shape, the figure that God has given me. May I understand and accept that not all women look the same, that we all come in different shapes and sizes and colors and varieties. May I appreciate that I will age, gracefully I hope, and that things will change and sag and wrinkle. May I know that it's what happens to all of us...especially those of us who have had multiple children!! May I be a role model for my daughters, to teach them how to love themselves, respect themselves, take care of themselves and enjoy themselves. May I see them grow into confident, self assured, comfortable, healthy, and proud young women. May I be able to take a little credit for it!
May I always take good care of my body, eat healthy, exercise, take my vitamins, protect my skin. May I treat my body as the temple that it is. May I be satisfied with myself, enjoying the body, the shape, the figure that God has given me. May I understand and accept that not all women look the same, that we all come in different shapes and sizes and colors and varieties. May I appreciate that I will age, gracefully I hope, and that things will change and sag and wrinkle. May I know that it's what happens to all of us...especially those of us who have had multiple children!! May I be a role model for my daughters, to teach them how to love themselves, respect themselves, take care of themselves and enjoy themselves. May I see them grow into confident, self assured, comfortable, healthy, and proud young women. May I be able to take a little credit for it!
Monday, May 7, 2007
My FAITH Journey- recordings from my journal
June 4, 2006
On the afternoon of Sept 1, 06, my head felt like it was going to explode! The pain was so bad that it hurt just to lie still. All I could do was roll around in the hospital bed, moan, cry out loud, and yell out at the nurses down the hall to help. My temperature was at 104.5. I thought my brain was literally going to cook inside my head. The nurses were running around in a panic. They wondered how a young woman who just delivered a healthy baby girl could be getting so sick. I got on my knees, clenching on to the bed rail, my hospital gown falling off my shoulders. I looked out the window, the blinds were down, but I would see the sun up to the right. I thought I was hours away from death. I pictured my funeral, all my family and friends there and thought about who might speak and what they would say about me.
On that day, I prayed, for one of the only times in my life....
"GOD!!!! Please, don't let me die! Mark wont be able to survive without me. He will never recover from this. Please, you can't leave him to raise two young girls all alone. I can't miss out on my daughter's lives. Please, I'm begging you! I'll do anything! I will get all of my "religious stuff" figured out. I promise, I will believe in you if you just let me live!"
Within moments an infectious disease doctor appeared, ordered test, gave me every antibiotic under the sun and I was getting better within hours. They later determined I had meningitis.
That was the day that I found God.
June 12, 2006
I struggle so much with "faith." Maybe if I slow down, keep myself from being so busy, involved, hectic, then I can realize the life that God wants for me. If I relinquish control then I'll learn what "faith" is and I will have gotten to know God better.
June 13, 2006
I wonder how one is ever sure about Jesus Christ. How will I ever know if I have chosen the right path? How will I know if Christianity is right? Are all other religions wrong? God, please show me the answers and allow me to hear you.
June 16, 2006
Is God supernatural? Isn't this silly? Is is possible to have this in the 21st century?
June 21, 2006
I am struggling so much with the purpose of asking for things in prayer. How much of my life is already planned out? Does God already know the outcome? Does every move I make happen for a specific reason? What is free will? Does God change his mind? Am I controlled by God?
July 11, 2006
I am constantly reminded of my life's purpose: to be a loving wife and mother and to raise a family who knows and serves the Lord. God, please help me to stay focused on that goal. Help me to be present in every moment with my children, raising them to be confident, comfortable, beautiful people. Please help me to be that person too, so that they have a good role model.
July 13, 2006
I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable introducing my "old life" to my "new like." People who know me well would never understand, support, enjoy the "church going Kim." They would think that I'd lost my mind. Surely they wouldn't understand the depth of what I'm experiencing. That makes it a little hard.
I need to be more interested in Jesus. I am faithful to God, but am still struggling with understanding and believing in Jesus Christ. That name still makes me uncomfortable and I feel silly saying it.
July 25, 2006
God, Thank you for saving my life. I am in awe of your glory ad power and grace. I proclaim you as my Lord and Savior and I am so greatful to be entering into this amazing relationship with you. Thank you!
September 6, 2006
How is it possible that only a year ago I didn't even believe in God, and now I have dedicated my life to him? How have I completely come to believe, to have faith, to trust? I'm such a different person. How did this happen? Am I being rediculous? Gullible? Brain washed? Weak?
The truth is, since I turned my life over to God, I feel stronger, wiser, more secure, happier, more peaceful, joyful, protected, loved. I feel like I now have a true purpose, a reason, an answer. I honestly believe in my heart that there is a God, that by his grace and healing hands he saved my life and that I was reborn with him, that He loves me accepts me, knows me, protects me and is there for me. It's not easy to explain. I just hope that someday my family and friends who do not believe will experience this overwhelming, life altering, exciting love.
September 15, 2006
It's been made clear that only people who believe in Christ will be in heaven. This has made me so uneasy, annoyed, bitter, afraid. What about my loved ones who don;t believe? What about good people from other religions? What about Christians who are bad people? How can we believe everything that the Bible says? Are we being naive? How did we pick the "right" religion?
October 3, 2006
Jesus Christ is God in the flesh. He came to the earth, as a human, so that his sinful, unbelieving people could believe in him and have eternal life. that's why they say "through Jesus you are saved."
October 18, 2006
Heavenly Father, I am desperate for you! My heart aches to know you more. I have a deep hunger to be in your presence, in your Word, in worship, in fellowship. I want to learn more, believe more, hear you more, be near you more, feel your spirit more. I want to be confident about what I know of you. I want to be proud. I want to be changed, transformed, made new. I want to be more like you. I want to raise my family to live our lives for you. I want to make you proud. I want to see your face and hear you say, "well done!"
October 24, 2006
I am so frustrated lately with issues that are difficult to understand like: faith, miracles, heaven and hell, the devil, etc. I want to remember, and believe ad be able to "get it" all. My finite mind can't grasp it all!
November 27, 2006
I was outside with the girls yesterday afternoon, walking around the neighborhood, looking at Christmas decorations. It was getting cold. We returned home and walked back into our warm and cozy home to take a bath, put on clean pj's and eat dinner. I realized that God has blessed us in so many ways. I wish all children could be safe, warm, nurtured, loved, like my kids are. From my gratefulness I want to find a place to give back, make a difference and point people to my loving and generous God.
December 22, 2006
Happy 31st Birthday to me! God, I am especially grateful to be celebrating my new life this year, a transformed person, totally dependent on you. I am peaceful and purposeful and changed. I thank you for all of the blessings in my life and know that they come from you. This morning Mark gave me a bracelet from the girls that says "INSPIRE." He said it was because I inspire the girls and I am inspiring people with my faith. My prayers are being answered. I have been trying to "live out my faith" with my actions and praying that I might be a light for people to direct them toward God. That Mark is recognizing that is a testimony to the good work of God.
January 15, 2006
I get it, I get it, I get it! Praise you Lord for working it all out in me. You are "it!" You are the creator of the entire universe and everything that's in it. You are amazing, brilliant, so awesome! You are the answer, the bottom line, the exclamation point, definition, TRUTH to this whole human experience. I have searched, questioned, debated, argued, sought and craved for MY truth and YOU are it! I was lead by you, followed you, put my faith in you and YOU have delivered me. I give up and put you in charge. I am saved! I am claimed! I am alive! Help me to glow like this every minute of every day in every circumstance. I want to live my life deliberately, on purpose, with your purpose, conscious, totally aware and choosing you. I want to share and demonstrate this total joy, peace and love with the whole world. That's your whole point for us, isn't it? I totally get it! Use me!! I'm yours! Let's go save the world. You are the only way. Everyone should feel this. Let's tell everyone. The world would be like heaven if everyone experienced this TRUTH, this certainty, understanding. Praise YOU, MY Lord!
April 28, 2007
Went out for an early morning run this morning. Thank you Lord for dew and fog, birds, my heart and muscles and bones. Thank you for all of your brilliant creation. Thank you for my life and the chance to enjoy this world. Thank you for San Clemente, for the beach, the warm climate. Thank you for leading me to this place. Thank you for my home, my neighbors, my community and for San Clemente Presbyterian. Thank you for Pastor Tod and Pastor Lisa who have taught me so much. Thank you for the women there who have become my sisters. Thank you for my healthy, happy, blessed children and for Mark and for our good health and good fortune. Thank you for my loving parents, my brother, my supportive in-laws and my amazing circle of friends. I am on top of the world, enjoying every aspect of my life. I am working hard to publish The Golden Rule and feeling good about getting your message out to families and to help bring peace and love and compassion to this world. I feel certain about you and about me and about my purpose. I feel like I'm discovering my spiritual gift, my God given talent, my one special "it" that you gave me to help fulfill your purpose. I believe it has to do with love. I believe that I love well. I believe in love, to love, the power of love, the call to love, the gift of love and receiving love. My heart is full and aching and swollen. I feel so truly alive. I feel so real, so connected, so aware. I feel powerful and wise and yet dependent and weak. It's beautiful and lovely and I believe it's what you intended. How did I get so lucky?
On the afternoon of Sept 1, 06, my head felt like it was going to explode! The pain was so bad that it hurt just to lie still. All I could do was roll around in the hospital bed, moan, cry out loud, and yell out at the nurses down the hall to help. My temperature was at 104.5. I thought my brain was literally going to cook inside my head. The nurses were running around in a panic. They wondered how a young woman who just delivered a healthy baby girl could be getting so sick. I got on my knees, clenching on to the bed rail, my hospital gown falling off my shoulders. I looked out the window, the blinds were down, but I would see the sun up to the right. I thought I was hours away from death. I pictured my funeral, all my family and friends there and thought about who might speak and what they would say about me.
On that day, I prayed, for one of the only times in my life....
"GOD!!!! Please, don't let me die! Mark wont be able to survive without me. He will never recover from this. Please, you can't leave him to raise two young girls all alone. I can't miss out on my daughter's lives. Please, I'm begging you! I'll do anything! I will get all of my "religious stuff" figured out. I promise, I will believe in you if you just let me live!"
Within moments an infectious disease doctor appeared, ordered test, gave me every antibiotic under the sun and I was getting better within hours. They later determined I had meningitis.
That was the day that I found God.
June 12, 2006
I struggle so much with "faith." Maybe if I slow down, keep myself from being so busy, involved, hectic, then I can realize the life that God wants for me. If I relinquish control then I'll learn what "faith" is and I will have gotten to know God better.
June 13, 2006
I wonder how one is ever sure about Jesus Christ. How will I ever know if I have chosen the right path? How will I know if Christianity is right? Are all other religions wrong? God, please show me the answers and allow me to hear you.
June 16, 2006
Is God supernatural? Isn't this silly? Is is possible to have this in the 21st century?
June 21, 2006
I am struggling so much with the purpose of asking for things in prayer. How much of my life is already planned out? Does God already know the outcome? Does every move I make happen for a specific reason? What is free will? Does God change his mind? Am I controlled by God?
July 11, 2006
I am constantly reminded of my life's purpose: to be a loving wife and mother and to raise a family who knows and serves the Lord. God, please help me to stay focused on that goal. Help me to be present in every moment with my children, raising them to be confident, comfortable, beautiful people. Please help me to be that person too, so that they have a good role model.
July 13, 2006
I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable introducing my "old life" to my "new like." People who know me well would never understand, support, enjoy the "church going Kim." They would think that I'd lost my mind. Surely they wouldn't understand the depth of what I'm experiencing. That makes it a little hard.
I need to be more interested in Jesus. I am faithful to God, but am still struggling with understanding and believing in Jesus Christ. That name still makes me uncomfortable and I feel silly saying it.
July 25, 2006
God, Thank you for saving my life. I am in awe of your glory ad power and grace. I proclaim you as my Lord and Savior and I am so greatful to be entering into this amazing relationship with you. Thank you!
September 6, 2006
How is it possible that only a year ago I didn't even believe in God, and now I have dedicated my life to him? How have I completely come to believe, to have faith, to trust? I'm such a different person. How did this happen? Am I being rediculous? Gullible? Brain washed? Weak?
The truth is, since I turned my life over to God, I feel stronger, wiser, more secure, happier, more peaceful, joyful, protected, loved. I feel like I now have a true purpose, a reason, an answer. I honestly believe in my heart that there is a God, that by his grace and healing hands he saved my life and that I was reborn with him, that He loves me accepts me, knows me, protects me and is there for me. It's not easy to explain. I just hope that someday my family and friends who do not believe will experience this overwhelming, life altering, exciting love.
September 15, 2006
It's been made clear that only people who believe in Christ will be in heaven. This has made me so uneasy, annoyed, bitter, afraid. What about my loved ones who don;t believe? What about good people from other religions? What about Christians who are bad people? How can we believe everything that the Bible says? Are we being naive? How did we pick the "right" religion?
October 3, 2006
Jesus Christ is God in the flesh. He came to the earth, as a human, so that his sinful, unbelieving people could believe in him and have eternal life. that's why they say "through Jesus you are saved."
October 18, 2006
Heavenly Father, I am desperate for you! My heart aches to know you more. I have a deep hunger to be in your presence, in your Word, in worship, in fellowship. I want to learn more, believe more, hear you more, be near you more, feel your spirit more. I want to be confident about what I know of you. I want to be proud. I want to be changed, transformed, made new. I want to be more like you. I want to raise my family to live our lives for you. I want to make you proud. I want to see your face and hear you say, "well done!"
October 24, 2006
I am so frustrated lately with issues that are difficult to understand like: faith, miracles, heaven and hell, the devil, etc. I want to remember, and believe ad be able to "get it" all. My finite mind can't grasp it all!
November 27, 2006
I was outside with the girls yesterday afternoon, walking around the neighborhood, looking at Christmas decorations. It was getting cold. We returned home and walked back into our warm and cozy home to take a bath, put on clean pj's and eat dinner. I realized that God has blessed us in so many ways. I wish all children could be safe, warm, nurtured, loved, like my kids are. From my gratefulness I want to find a place to give back, make a difference and point people to my loving and generous God.
December 22, 2006
Happy 31st Birthday to me! God, I am especially grateful to be celebrating my new life this year, a transformed person, totally dependent on you. I am peaceful and purposeful and changed. I thank you for all of the blessings in my life and know that they come from you. This morning Mark gave me a bracelet from the girls that says "INSPIRE." He said it was because I inspire the girls and I am inspiring people with my faith. My prayers are being answered. I have been trying to "live out my faith" with my actions and praying that I might be a light for people to direct them toward God. That Mark is recognizing that is a testimony to the good work of God.
January 15, 2006
I get it, I get it, I get it! Praise you Lord for working it all out in me. You are "it!" You are the creator of the entire universe and everything that's in it. You are amazing, brilliant, so awesome! You are the answer, the bottom line, the exclamation point, definition, TRUTH to this whole human experience. I have searched, questioned, debated, argued, sought and craved for MY truth and YOU are it! I was lead by you, followed you, put my faith in you and YOU have delivered me. I give up and put you in charge. I am saved! I am claimed! I am alive! Help me to glow like this every minute of every day in every circumstance. I want to live my life deliberately, on purpose, with your purpose, conscious, totally aware and choosing you. I want to share and demonstrate this total joy, peace and love with the whole world. That's your whole point for us, isn't it? I totally get it! Use me!! I'm yours! Let's go save the world. You are the only way. Everyone should feel this. Let's tell everyone. The world would be like heaven if everyone experienced this TRUTH, this certainty, understanding. Praise YOU, MY Lord!
April 28, 2007
Went out for an early morning run this morning. Thank you Lord for dew and fog, birds, my heart and muscles and bones. Thank you for all of your brilliant creation. Thank you for my life and the chance to enjoy this world. Thank you for San Clemente, for the beach, the warm climate. Thank you for leading me to this place. Thank you for my home, my neighbors, my community and for San Clemente Presbyterian. Thank you for Pastor Tod and Pastor Lisa who have taught me so much. Thank you for the women there who have become my sisters. Thank you for my healthy, happy, blessed children and for Mark and for our good health and good fortune. Thank you for my loving parents, my brother, my supportive in-laws and my amazing circle of friends. I am on top of the world, enjoying every aspect of my life. I am working hard to publish The Golden Rule and feeling good about getting your message out to families and to help bring peace and love and compassion to this world. I feel certain about you and about me and about my purpose. I feel like I'm discovering my spiritual gift, my God given talent, my one special "it" that you gave me to help fulfill your purpose. I believe it has to do with love. I believe that I love well. I believe in love, to love, the power of love, the call to love, the gift of love and receiving love. My heart is full and aching and swollen. I feel so truly alive. I feel so real, so connected, so aware. I feel powerful and wise and yet dependent and weak. It's beautiful and lovely and I believe it's what you intended. How did I get so lucky?
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