Temper Tantrums

My soon to be 4 year old daughter, Katelyn (her birthday is next week!!) has had an awful 4 days. She has had the stomach flu and it's been so hard on her. (and her parents!) I will spare you the gross details, but she was really having a rough time. She seems to be on the mend now and I pray that she wakes up this morning with that sparkle back in her big blue eyes!
Last night she was so irritable and grouchy because she really wanted to eat something and I kept telling her "no." She was having a difficult enough time keeping sips of water down. She got in her head that she needed to have some yogurt. She was furious that I wouldn't let her have some. She threw a temper tantrum, was crying, yelling, kicking at me, begging for me to let her have it. Poor thing, she was so hungry and couldn't understand why I was depriving her. Bless her heart, I've taught her so well, she was saying things like "You're really hurting my feelings. Yogurt is healthy. Let me have some healthy food!" As much as it broke my heart not to give her what she wanted, I knew that I was doing the right thing. I knew that I was making this tough choice on her behalf out of my love and care for her. I knew that she couldn't see that I was withholding this from her because I had her best interest in mind. All she cared about was her discomfort in that moment and she thought that she knew what was best. But from my bigger perspective, as much as it hurt me to tell her no, I knew that I couldn't grant her request. Maybe when she is better she'll understand and see that I love her, that I am always for her and that she can trust that I will take care of her the best way possible.
Isn't this how God must feel in dealing with us?
Over the last several months, I must have looked a lot like Katelyn to God. With Mark out of work, I have been crying, yelling, kicking, begging for God to fix our problem, throwing temper tantrums every time I didn't get what I wanted. It wasn't yogurt that I demanded, but it was any and every job that he interviewed for. I would pray so diligently for God to work it all out so that Mark would get hired. Then we would get the dreaded call that they really loved him, but it wasn't going to work out. I just couldn't understand what God was doing and was trying so hard to trust that he would come through, but I was getting really good at these temper tantrums.
Mark got offered a sweet position yesterday with a great company and we are beside ourselves with relief and joy!!
As I look back over it now, it's so clear how God had his hand in every detail of this experience. The position that Mark ended up with is the best of all of the opportunities that he pursued. It is perfectly suited for his personality and gifts, it will provide abundantly for our family and truly is better than we could have hoped for. Had God listened to my begging and pleading months ago, Mark would be in a position that isn't nearly as good.
I was so uncomfortable in our circumstance and upset with God for depriving me what I was asking for. As much as it must have broken God's heart not to give me what I wanted, He knew that he was doing the right thing. God was making this tough choice on our behalf out of his love and care for us. He knew that he was withholding these jobs from us because He had our best interest in mind, had something incredible in store for us and needed us to be patient and trust Him. From his bigger perspective, as much as it hurt him to tell me no repeatedly, He couldn't grant my request. Now that things are better, we understand and see so clearly that God indeed loves us, that He is always here for us and that we can trust that He will take care of us the best way possible.
In our own little worlds, as we make these selfish demands on God, thinking we know what is best for us, it can sometimes seem like God isn't listening. When things aren't happening the way we want, when our prayers for this or that aren't being granted, it can feel like God has abandoned us and isn't answering us. But we have to know that He never leaves, that sometimes his not answering is exactly His answer. He just wants for us to be patient, faithfully patient, never doubting his power or plan. I'm sorry I doubted this time, because He surely answered, and I pray that I can remember this the next time I throw a temper tantrum.