Grace And Truth With Goldfish Crackers

I am in the process of reading a great, great, great book called "Raising Great Kids" by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. It is a comprehensive guide to parenting with Grace and Truth. The book is filled with my highlighter marks and I am finding that I am transforming as a mom from the inside out, even as I read.
The basis of the book is that "character growth is the main goal of child rearing...We view character as the structures and abilities within ourselves that make up how we operate in life. In other words, character is the sum of our abilities to deal with life as God designed us to." (pg.29)..."you can give a child all the "advantages"-security, good schools, churches, and camps-but if they don't develop character, they can quickly lose the advantage of the advantages." (pg. 30)
The Dr's have convinced me that raising a child with character requires the integration of Grace and Truth. "Grace, in the Bible's terms, means "favor." Grace-filled people are kind toward others; they are "for" a person and not against him...true grace is not earned; it is given freely out of love...Truth is the state of being reliable and trustworthy. It is ultimate reality, the timeless realities God wove into his creation. If we live in truth, we do what is right (pg 40)...Parents must at the same time love their child and provide limits and structure. They must be loving and firm. They must be kind, but require the child to do his part. They must be compassionate and forgiving, but require the child to change and be responsible. Soft on the person, hard on the issue...Grace lets a child know she is loved. Truth guides her on that to do and become." (pg. 42)
This afternoon I tested out grace and truth with Taylor. We were getting out of the car at home and after I unbuckled her seat belt she quickly snatched a carton of Goldfish crackers, looked me dead in the eye and dumped the entire box on the floor of the back seat, devilishly giggling as she did so. (this type of food spilling destruction is so one of her favorite activities....what's up with that?....little stinker!) My instinct is to grab her stearnly, yank her out of the car while raising my voice at her and then just leave the mess that I would eventually clean up later. But my "grace and truth" strategy went like this.....deep breathe, quick prayer "Lord give me patience with this precious child!", I quietly and calmly got my other daughter out of the car, got my purse and other belongings out of the way, picked up Taylor and asked her to look at my face, I said "Taylor, it isn't nice to spill your food all over. It makes a big mess and you are wasting all of that food on the floor. Now, here is the box, please pick up all of the crackers." Once she got started on her own I helped her along by holding the box open for her so it was easier to get them in. When she was finally done I told her again that it wasn't nice to waste the food and make a big mess. In her sweet little voice she sincerely said "I'm sorry Mommy for dumping the Goldfish." To which I snuggled her tight, thanked her for doig such a good job cleaning up and told her I forgave her and loved her.
I have learned from this book that grace and truth must always go together. "A child needs to know that you are on his side, and that is grace. He needs to know that you will give him reality, and that is truth." (pg. 64)