I have been so good at saving money lately, at being a helpful and supportive wife by significantly cutting back on all spending, at not placing so much importance on stuff and clothes and these shallow means for satisfying that certain longing to feel good. I have chosen to use my time more wisely, just packing picnics and hanging at the park or the beach. I've been staying clear of all Targets and Nordstroms and any type of needless shopping at all that sucks me into that place where I just "have to have it!" I've been working so hard at trying to truly evaluate what "need" is and spend accordingly. Do I really NEED that pedicure? Do I really NEED that candle for the house or that Starbucks coffee? No, those are not needs. The children in Africa understand needs. They NEED parents and food and medicine and education and love. Those are NEEDS!!
I am trying to abandon all those superficial desires in order to strip myself of worldly influence, in order to focus more healthy attention on my family and my faith, in order to lay those addictions at the feet of God's throne and ask for healing from those longings and desires, in order to live out the faith I claim has set me free, in order to demonstrate to my young daughters that they are precious children of God who have been showered with blessing and who can stand firm in the hope that this "stuff" doesn't make a darn bit of difference, but living for God is all they NEED.
It's tough to live at this time and in this place and try to go out to dinner with all your pretty girlfriends without the cutest new outfit and a mani/pedi. That is sad, really, that is sad. But it's the truth and one that I am not proud of struggling with. I must say though that I've done pretty good for the last couple months since I have gotten away from this lifestyle and have felt better, a little more free and much less defined by the world.
But then I went and did the unthinkable....I went to Target on Monday and to the mall today....and now there is a war going on inside me and I want, want, want! It's crazy, like someone unleashed an animal inside me that wants the next best thing and swears that I will feel good, so my life will be better if I just have that top....
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2 comments:
How funny that I would read your blog today – today of all days. Why? Because tomorrow was a “shopping day” – a day for me to buy that long awaited “Dooney.” Yes, it’s true – I want a Dooney & Bourke handbag. I have for years. Well, at least that’s what I thought. I just can’t seem to purchase the bag. Oh I have tried! On many occasions I have seen the purse I want ( it changes every time I go looking). I look and look, wave off the sales associates, walk around the store, walk back to the handbag counter, and then I continue walking – right out the door. EVERY TIME! So, do I really want the Dooney, or am I looking for the “social awareness” that comes from other women when one owns an “original” Dooney?
The answer is – I really don’t know! I really don’t know why I want a handbag that costs more than what many people make in a week. Do I NEED this handbag? Will this handbag bring me happiness or status? Is this living for God or living for a perception of affluence?
Kim, I have often thought of living for God by doing what God has asked me to do. By listening to his prompting, through prayer, in regards to my family, and especially in raising my children. But, I have never thought of living for God in “He’s all I really need” in terms of “waving off temptation.” Hummmm – something for me to ponder. I am truly a person who wants to please God, not someone who thinks in terms of what I need from God, or God is all I need. Maybe that’s why I haven’t bought the “Dooney.” It really isn’t going to please God. And, to be certain, it won’t please my husband either.
We will always be influenced and tempted, that is part of living in a human society.
Thanks, Dana
I wandered onto your blog from Pastor Tod's blog (he was my college pastor). I appreciate your desire to raise your girls to not always be wanting and desiring the things of this world. I have two little boys and have the same desire for them. But the lure of our world, and especially our culture has such a strong pull. I know what you mean about the desire and "unleasing the wild beast". I often feel it is best for me to steer completely clear of the mall or Target as it only breads discontent and want; and yet I already have more than I need. May God's Spirit be with you as you prepare for your trip to South Africa and for your heart and life to be transformed. Blessings, sister in Christ.
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