Embrace the Uncomfortable

I am still struggling with my transition back into my comfy, abundant, over indulgent Southern California life. I am still struggling to sleep through a full night without nightmares and visions of children living alone in the streets of South Africa. My head is in a constant state of "BUZZ" as I am forever trying to come up with new ways to fundraise, new campaigns to kick off, more ways to personally give my own money so that I can support the children at Acres of Love and get more AIDS orphans into the loving arms of our organization. I am exhausted, emotionally drained, burdened and a total wreck. Everything I think about comes back to the children in Africa, everything! As I go for a morning run, I think about how lucky I am to live in a safe place and how blessed I am to have a healthy and able body. As I eat a meal, I think about the hungry kids without parents, killing bugs and feeding them to their younger siblings to survive. As I snuggle up to my daughters, I think about the poor kids who just want to be held, protected, loved by their parents who have suffered and died in front of their eyes. As I pray for the safety of my kids 100 times a day, I think about the children in Africa who have been left alone to fend for themselves, who are being preyed upon and abused, who are scared and frightened. As I consider spending money on something as simple as a cup of coffee, I decide not to because it's frivolous and unnecessary and that money could be used to feed a child for a day or put towards supporting a home full of kids at Acres of Love. EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT!!!
But this burden that I am carrying is a small price to pay to be able to make a difference for those kids over there who are carrying a much larger burden. What do I have to complain about? I have decided to embrace the uncomfortable, to welcome the feeling of my heart being broken, to sit with this anguish, because only then will I continue to be motivated to move to action.
When we feel like we have been called by God to do something that we just can't handle, when we feel like God's vision for our lives is impossible...then we have to completely depend on Him and that is exactly where He wants and needs us. We need to pushed into the uncomfortable position that forces us to throw up our hands and say "God, I know you want me to do this, but it's just too big for me, I can't do it without you. I need you to do it through me!"
John 15:5 "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."