What It's All About

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the task of sharing my faith with people. I want to, because I want people to know what an awesome difference God has made in my life, and I want them to come to know this God too. But, it's such a huge topic, and I never know where to begin, how to explain it, what to tell. I try to come up with proof for the Bible, evidence for the life of Jesus, answers to all the big questions. It's so daunting, seems impossible to explain, and I really don't understand it all well enough myself.
As I sort of soaked in the concept of the "fruit of the spirit" from my last blog, I began to get this reassuring feeling that God wants us to share Him with people exactly this way....by letting his spirit come into your life, change you, produce good fruit, and then just give Him the credit for it. The Lord wants to be glorified for all the great things He does in your life so that people will take notice of Him, become interested in his true saving power and then turn to Him themselves. This is how we share the gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ, the real message of the redeeming work that God is still doing everyday. ,
"I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every brach of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so that they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. " John 15:1-4 "When you produce much fruit, you are truly my disciples. tis brings much glory to my Father." John 15:7
These teaching about the fruit of the spirit and the vine and the branches might very well be my most favorite that I have learned. It seems to me that this is what God is all about. He is in the business of saving people. He wants to come into your life, move into your heart, prune you and purify you, change you, improve you, make you better, more whole. Then he wants you to just remain in Him, rely on him to be your source of true life, and then just give him the credit for all the amazing and miraculous things He has done in your life so that other will take notice and turn to him also. It's so beautiful, so perfect, so awesome, so overwhelming and glorious.

The Best Compliment I Have Ever Recieved

Mark and I went out for dinner last night. Over a delicious meal and a nice conversation, he gave me the best compliment I have ever received. He said "You are extraordinary at life!"
He continued on to explain that he thought most people look back on their life and wish that they did things differently. He guessed that most people wish they focused more time and attention on their family, on time spent with their friends, on their spiritual journey, on eating healthy and taking care of their bodies and on giving back to society. He told me that he was impressed by my priorities, my motivation and the way I lived my life focused on these things.
I was flattered, speechless and proud. But I couldn't really take all the credit.
As I began to talk about this more with Mark and reflect on my life, I realized that I have always tried to live my life this way. I have always had a pretty clear idea of what it takes to live life the "right way." But, honestly, up until the last couple of years, although I was close to doing it right, I could never really get it all together at the same time. I would be really good at this part for awhile, then really good at that part for awhile, but I fell tragically short of doing it all right at the same time.
Until I added God into the equation...AND PUT HIM FIRST. Once my faith matured a little and I truly handed my heart and life over to God, everything else seemed to fall into the right place. It was as if He truly completed me, made me whole, filled up all the empty places in my life and made the puzzle fit nicely together.
When I am right with God, when I am focused on Him, in communion with Him, when I am submitting to Him, when I am putting Him in control of my life, when I am truly trusting Him, when I am spending regular time in his word and seeking Him in every moment...life just works better. And when that is all true in my relationship with Him, I seem to have the blissful and sure feeling that this is what life is all about, that this is how it's supposed to be, that I am getting it right. And really, I can't take credit for all the goodness, because it's the God part of the whole thing that makes it work just right.
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

Save Me My Savior

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for coming to this earth in Jesus Christ. Thank you for becoming flesh and blood that we could see and touch and hear and interact with. Thank you for coming to save us, for showing us the way to true freedom, to peace and everlasting life. Thank for you coming into my life a couple of years ago. Thank you for still being that Savior that accepts me, forgives me, guides me, teaches me and loves me. Thank you for who you are to me and to this world still in so much pain. Lord, I pray that you will continue to reveal your truth to me, that you will continue to work within me, changing my heart, making my faith for you stronger, my commitment to you deeper, my love for you more and more. I pray that I will be open to your leading in my life, that I will act according to your plan and purpose, that I will allow you to work in and through me. I pray that you will make me a strong leader in my home for my family and a shining example for everyone in my life. God I surrender my heart to you. I give you my life so that I might live for you. Please forgive me for the ways that I am still so doubtful, for the ways that I allow my selfish desires to control the way I act and speak. Please continue to save me, my Savior. I need you. I love you.
In Christ's Name I pray,
Amen

Exclusive or All Inclusive?

Mark and I are reading "The Case For Christ: Student Edition" by Lee Strobel as he prepares for his role as Small Group leader for the 9th grade boys at our church.
We read a part the other night that really stuck with me. As I become more and more comfortable in my role as a Christian, I still struggle with the "who gets to go to heaven" part. It always seemed to me that when Christians claimed that only those who believe in and devote their life to Christ "get in" that it was really arrogant and not very accepting and welcoming. I knew that this truth was clearly stated in the Bible, but I still didn't fully understand it or feel good about it. Then we read it explained this way...and I am feeling a little better...
"One of Jesus' most outrageous claims is this "I am the way and the truth and life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) Of all the incredible statements Jesus made, this is the one I found most offensive. If anyone else had said it, he'd be blasted as exclusive, intolerant, and narrow-minded. It's one thing to claim to be "a" way-but the "only" way to God? That sounds pretty judgmental....But as I looked into the claims of Christianity, I discovered one big difference between it and other religions. Other religions are based on people doing something to earn the favor of God. They must perform good deeds, chant the right words...or faithfully follow other religious drills. By contrast, Christianity is based on what, according to the Bible, Christ has already done on the cross. According to the Bible, nobody can do anything to earn God's favor; rather, Jesus offers forgiveness and eternal life as a gift. Imagine two college frat houses. The first has a strict set of rules and allows in only people who have earned their membership....No matter how hard they try, a lot of people just wont make the cut. They'll be excluded. That's what every other religion is like...But the other house throws it's doors wide open and says, "Anybody who wants membership is invited inside! Rich or poor, black or white, honor student or rebel, we would love to include you. All you need to get in is to accept the invitation." That, according to the bible, is what Christianity is like."

Temper Tantrums

My soon to be 4 year old daughter, Katelyn (her birthday is next week!!) has had an awful 4 days. She has had the stomach flu and it's been so hard on her. (and her parents!) I will spare you the gross details, but she was really having a rough time. She seems to be on the mend now and I pray that she wakes up this morning with that sparkle back in her big blue eyes!
Last night she was so irritable and grouchy because she really wanted to eat something and I kept telling her "no." She was having a difficult enough time keeping sips of water down. She got in her head that she needed to have some yogurt. She was furious that I wouldn't let her have some. She threw a temper tantrum, was crying, yelling, kicking at me, begging for me to let her have it. Poor thing, she was so hungry and couldn't understand why I was depriving her. Bless her heart, I've taught her so well, she was saying things like "You're really hurting my feelings. Yogurt is healthy. Let me have some healthy food!" As much as it broke my heart not to give her what she wanted, I knew that I was doing the right thing. I knew that I was making this tough choice on her behalf out of my love and care for her. I knew that she couldn't see that I was withholding this from her because I had her best interest in mind. All she cared about was her discomfort in that moment and she thought that she knew what was best. But from my bigger perspective, as much as it hurt me to tell her no, I knew that I couldn't grant her request. Maybe when she is better she'll understand and see that I love her, that I am always for her and that she can trust that I will take care of her the best way possible.
Isn't this how God must feel in dealing with us?
Over the last several months, I must have looked a lot like Katelyn to God. With Mark out of work, I have been crying, yelling, kicking, begging for God to fix our problem, throwing temper tantrums every time I didn't get what I wanted. It wasn't yogurt that I demanded, but it was any and every job that he interviewed for. I would pray so diligently for God to work it all out so that Mark would get hired. Then we would get the dreaded call that they really loved him, but it wasn't going to work out. I just couldn't understand what God was doing and was trying so hard to trust that he would come through, but I was getting really good at these temper tantrums.
Mark got offered a sweet position yesterday with a great company and we are beside ourselves with relief and joy!!
As I look back over it now, it's so clear how God had his hand in every detail of this experience. The position that Mark ended up with is the best of all of the opportunities that he pursued. It is perfectly suited for his personality and gifts, it will provide abundantly for our family and truly is better than we could have hoped for. Had God listened to my begging and pleading months ago, Mark would be in a position that isn't nearly as good.
I was so uncomfortable in our circumstance and upset with God for depriving me what I was asking for. As much as it must have broken God's heart not to give me what I wanted, He knew that he was doing the right thing. God was making this tough choice on our behalf out of his love and care for us. He knew that he was withholding these jobs from us because He had our best interest in mind, had something incredible in store for us and needed us to be patient and trust Him. From his bigger perspective, as much as it hurt him to tell me no repeatedly, He couldn't grant my request. Now that things are better, we understand and see so clearly that God indeed loves us, that He is always here for us and that we can trust that He will take care of us the best way possible.
In our own little worlds, as we make these selfish demands on God, thinking we know what is best for us, it can sometimes seem like God isn't listening. When things aren't happening the way we want, when our prayers for this or that aren't being granted, it can feel like God has abandoned us and isn't answering us. But we have to know that He never leaves, that sometimes his not answering is exactly His answer. He just wants for us to be patient, faithfully patient, never doubting his power or plan. I'm sorry I doubted this time, because He surely answered, and I pray that I can remember this the next time I throw a temper tantrum.

It's Strange Until You Know Him

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me, this I read
And in my heart I find the need
Of Him to be savior

That He would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count as strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

"My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust

Complaining In The Wilderness

I'm such an Israelite!
Just in my last blog I was singing God's praises for the miraculous work that He has done in my heart and recently in Mark's. I was giving Him all the credit and all the glory for the way He is able to change people, arrange circumstances and truly make a difference in the lives of His creation. My faith was at an all time high as I could testify to the power of God's holy spirit in my very own life.
It wasn't but just a couple of days later that I was pouting, arms crossed, lips all puffed out and a sour attitude. Things weren't going as I was hoping they would. It's been a couple of months now that Mark hasn't been working, and I just can't understand why he isn't getting the jobs he's gone after. He's brilliant, successful, hard working and never had an issue getting a job. I found myself having conversations with God that sounded a lot like "Why God? Why are you doing this to us? Why isn't he getting a job? What are we supposed to do? Where are you in all of this? What is your solution? Your answer? Your plan? Is there something that you want us to learn here? Some big "ah ha!" that we are supposed to see? Can you please reveal it to me? Let's get this learning and growing this over with....quick!"
Yep, sound familiar? Just like the Israelites that we read about in Exodus and condemn for such a rotten attitude after all that God had done for them. Here He had lead them safely out of Egypt, out of years and years of slavery, performed miracle after miracle right before their eyes, protected them, saved them, rescued them, and proven himself trustworthy and reliable. They safely got to the other side of the Red Sea, had a huge time of worship where they sang songs to the Lord and proclaimed Him triumphant, powerful, majestic and glorious. Then what happens, they have a few hard days in the wilderness without food and begin to wonder if the Lord will provide for them. They start grumbling, crying out, complaining and doubting. And let's not forget, they do this, only to be embarrassed when God provides them with an abundance of food.
I know that I too will be embarrassed. (i hope sooner rather than later!) I know that God has a plan for my family, that He already has every last detail worked out, that He has our very best interest in mind, that He has something so wonderful up His sleeve, more wonderful than we could plan on our own. Our challenge now is to just trust Him. We have to hang on to those miraculous things that He has done for us in the past and know that He again will prove victorious.

He Answers

When Mark and I got marreid, he knew what he was getting into with me, knew my beliefs (or lack thereof!) and my feelings about church and religion. I made it very clear that I did not believe in God. It made him so angry when I would say that. Not that he was some super religious guy, more that it was "just something you shouldn't say!" Mark was raised Catholic, but wasn't exactly in touch with his spiritual side.
Then all of a sudden, the girl he once knew has this life changing event happen, and now says she is going to try out church. After I went to one particlular church for awhile, and really loved it, I started meeting with the pastor, reading Christian books, reading the actual Bible, going to Bible study, attending church more than once a week and volunteering with the high school group. At first, Mark thought this was just a fad, something that would soon pass. But he began to see that it was really picking up steam and that I was really committed to this. He soon realized that I truly believed in God and he began to notice that God was really making a difference in my life, changing me at the core, repriortizing my life and transforming me into a whole new person.
When I started asking Mark to go to chuch with me, he made it very clear that while he was happy for me and supportive of my faith journey, he didn't want me pressuring him or pushing all my new beliefs on him or judging him, etc. So I tried to really back off. I took the advice of my pastor, shut my mouth and just let my actions and my life speak to how much of a difference Christ was making in me. I later invited him, casually, to church. Finally he accepted. He went, he liked it there a lot and attended with me pretty regularly, but never really got too involved. For 2 years, I have been praying and praying for him and having close Christian friends of mine praying and praying for him. I wanted him to open his heart and allow God to work in him. I wanted him to really give his faith a chance by honestly seeking God and learning more about Christ, questioning, discussing, praying, etc. I tried to stay out of it and let God do the work. I trusted that God wanted this relationship with Mark more than I even knew, and that he was doing all he could to call Mark to him. But I knew Mark, and he can be a stubborn guy who likes to prove his point to me, and I wondered if he would ever really give this faith thing a fair shot. All I could do was give it over to God.
A couple of weeks ago Mark stepped up to be the Freshman boys small group leader at our church. PRAISE!!
We started praying together. PRAISE!!
We have been reading Case for Christ together. PRAISE!!
On Saturday I felt this overwhelming feeling that I should go buy Mark a Bible. So I had him watch the kids while I went to "run errands." I nervously, so nervously picked out the most masculine looking Bible I could find. I kept thinking "what am I doing? He's not going to like this. This is going to push it too far. He's gonna be really uncomfortable with this!!" But there was something in me that kept pusing me to do it. So I bought it. And a card where I wrote a long note to him, inviting him to truly open his heart and give God a chance to change his life. We went out for dinner that night and I soooo nervously gave him the gift. He happily accepted the Bible and the invitation to try God out. PRAISE!!
Mark and I decided to join a small group at our church together, where as a family we will meet with 3 other young families every other week and have dinner, discussions, pray and challenge and encourage eachother in our faith. PRAISE!!
I tell you, no job is too big for God. If he can create the universe, he can surely soften the heart of one of his own creation. I will continue to pray that God does a mighty work in Mark so that he can also experience the peace in Christ that surpasses all understanding.

Loves Of My Life

How Christians Deal With Tragedy: So Cal Fires

While a good part of Southern California is engulfed in flames and many of our neighbors are being evacuated from thier homes and losing everything....this is what Christians do....(or at least what the amazing people of San Clemente Presbyterian Church have done over the last couple of days!):
- we welcome in strangers who show up in their parking lot, give them shelter, food, a place to rock their babies
- we line up with relief items like food, blankets, clothes, hygeine care, diapers, wipes, baby formula
- we compile a long list of people who are happily waiting to take a displaced family back to their home to provide them with a bed, shower, food, support
- we gather together in the evening, pray and pray for familes who are displaced and afraid, sing songs of worship, pray and pray for firefighters, governments officials, people in leadership making tough decisions, listen to the word of God, pray and pray as a whole congregation, pray n silenc, pray in small groups. We know that God hears our prayers. "If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among you." Mattew 18:19-20
- we don't pretend to understand, to have answers for why these things happen
- we put our faith in God, knowing that He is a good God, a loving God and righteous God. We remember that He has promised that He has a plan for this world, that He is in control, "we know that God causes everything to work together good." Romans 8:28
-we somehow find a quiet ad faithful peace in all of this tragedy. "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all that he has done, They you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand." Philippians 4:6-7

Today's Call: Bread

God works in amazing ways, it's awesome! After writing the entry this morning on God's call being wherever there is a need, God put a need right in front of me.
Mark is serving on jury duty today, so the girls and I went to meet him for lunch during his break. As we were sitting out on the lovely patio and "Pat and Oscar's" chowing down on our delicious breadsticks, salad, ribs and chicken, I noticed a man standing about 20 yards away, asking people for money as they left the restaurant.
So I approached him. I asked what it was he needed, he said "I'm hungry." I went inside, got an extra plate, some silverware, a big glass of water, and filled up the plate with several breadsticks, salad and my chicken. I invited him to sit at the table next to ours and eat. He excitedly accepted.
Now, I have always had the heart that made me do stuff like this, So coming to know God hasn't transformed me into a "giver." But this time was different, because when I placed the meal in front of him I leaned in close, put my hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eye and said "God bless you." I wanted him to know that I was doing this in the name of God, because I wanted him to know that God loved him and I was just his humble servant fulfilling my call to reach out and love my neighbor. And I wanted him to know that he too could, if he didn't already, be in close relationship with the God that moves people to service and generosity. Because we can feed hungry people breadsticks all day long, but God is the true source of nourishment and the real "bread of life."
"I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me has eternal life. Yes, I am the bread of life!...I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever."
-John 6:47-51

God's Call

"God is calling you to where the need is" -Mother Theresa

Among this new Christian community that I am hanging out with, there is a lot of talk about "God's call." It refers to the direction in life that you are taking, because you feel that God is calling you, or telling you, or strongly suggesting to you, that you move in this direction or that. If you are truly commited to God, want to please Him, want to fulfill His purpose for your life and be a part of his redeeming plan for this world, you would feel that "God's call" is a divine order to take part in.
This "call" can be pretty ambiguos, and is hard to decifer and know for sure. How do you know what God is calling you to do? How can you be certain of his will for your life? How will you be sure that it's His call and not your own desire?
I heard this woman quote Mother Theresa the other day, saying that she never felt that God had specifically called her to any particular act of service. She just saw a need and knew that God wanted her to meet those needs for other people.
So, while we Christians sit around waiting for God's divine call in our lives, maybe we ought to just look around, see where there is a need and do something about it. Maybe it's being a good mom, taking care of your kids and devoting a certain season of your life to that. Maybe it's being a hard working employee, always doing right and being honest and demonstrating with your life the difference that God makes. Maybe it's being the helpful neighbor who is always willing to help out, make a meal, run an errand, or lend a hand. Maybe it's the person who feels a deep desire to help out in their church, or volunteer with troubled teens, or give their time and talents to a local non profit organization. Maybe it's the stranger you walk by, that makes the first move to say a warm and heartfelt "hello, how are you?" as if they really care. This call can take on any shape or form, but it does a few things in every place and circumstance...it loves God, it is ready to serve Him and his people with a humble heart, it sees a need and it fills it in order to be a part of God's plan to save this world.

The Side Effects Of A Strict Training Program

I am training for the Carlsbad Half Marathon. I get up at 5:00am, 6 days a week and workout. 4 of the days I run and 2 of the days I cross train, doing the elliptical machine and weights. I enjoy having a schedule like this to follow, a routine to rely on. I am feeling accomplished and healthy and quite proud of myself.
I am also eating really healthy, mostly whole, organic foods, lots of protein and fruits and veggies and a ton of water. I have to properly nourish my body to sustain this level of energy and I have definitely noticed a difference in how I feel.
The other morning I was down on the floor, working my abs, my legs were extended up in the air. I looked down and noticed how much more firm and strong my legs looked. Wow, awesome! And I have also began to notice that my pants are loose. Sweet! For the first time I wasn't exactly trying to lose weight or diet, but the side effects of being focused on a healthy exercise goal were that my body just naturally starting shaping up.
I realized it's very similar to what has happened to me as I have become a committed Christian and student of the Bible. I follow a pretty strict routine in that respect too, attending church on Sundays, 2 Bible studies a week, leading the 10th and 11th grade girls, and spending quiet time reading and praying about 5 days a week.
I can't say that I can remember a specific time when I noticed a change in my "spiritual shape," but I have definitely shaped up. And really, this is the first time that I wasn't exactly trying to change things about myself or improve certain qualities, but the side effects of being focused on the Lord and in studying His word were that my heart and soul just naturally started shaping up.
And neither of these improvements came without sweat and tears! The marathon workouts have been hard for me and the long runs are getting longer and harder. I nearly stopped in the middle of a run the other day in tears because I had just run up a hill (mountain!!) that nearly killed me and I was feeling tired, weak and incapable of being able to complete a marathon someday. But I pushed on and there came the downhill part and I recovered and finished the run with a smile.
Similarly, giving my life to Christ has not been all easy. As I read the Bible and learn more about God and Jesus, it's like a mirror. I began to see my reflection and all of the ugliness about me that was so covered up and hidden. I was forced to really take an honest inventory of my life, my priorities, my words and actions and deeds. And sometimes my faith in God was a struggle and I wanted to just close the Book and forget about it. But during those time I would give those doubts and fears and anxieties over to God, he would somehow calm me, and I have since come a long, long way. I know that I will finish this journey with a smile too!

"Bible Banger" in Training

My 2 year old daugther, Taylor, is well on her way to becoming a "Bible Banging, Jesus Freak!" For the last several weeks, she's been dragging around this big children's Bible and nearly shoving it in anyone's face that she can, demanding "read the Bible book!" I just imagine that God is looking down on her and giggling like crazy.

What Are You Doing At 5:10am?

Monday through Friday, at 5:10am, I begin my workout. Three days of the week I run, two of the days I cross train. Then on Saturdays I get to sleep in a little, until 6:45am, then it's off to the beach trail for my "long run." Sundays, I rest!
I am training for the Carlsbad Half Marathon (13.1 mi) on January 20th. I am really enjoying the commitment I've made, the training process, the new shape my body is taking....and the new reason for my run.....


http://www.firstgiving.com/kimberlycampbell

Who Am I?

Well, summer seems like a distant memory! My girls and I have already decorated the house with all the fall decorations. (Mark taught Katelyn to say "mommy, you have ants in your pants!!") Yesterday was cool and crisp, it even sprinkled during my morning run. And at 4am this morning we were pleasantly surprised with a rain storm.
But I have been spending a lot of my time lately reflecting on this past summer. Every other Thursday morning, one of my Pastors, Lisa, and I would meet for coffee. We spent the summer months going through a "discipleship." I spent time every day doing homework in a great workbook called "Walking With Christ," then we would meet, go over the questions and discuss all sorts of great things related to becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ. I learned so much from her and my reading of Scripture, and I was especially challenged to really look hard at myself and all the things that keep me from truly becoming a faithful disciple of Jesus.
All of our lessons came together beautifully as we finished with the last chapter called "Walking As a Servant." At the beginning of the lesson it said "Mature followers of Jesus are marked by what they will do for others without expecting anything in return." Geeze, I think that in most cases I expect a little something in return for the good deeds I do. It may not be a huge production, or a hand written thank you note, but at least the acknowledgement of my act of kindness. But then, I am missing the point in the act of service. I am "doing" in order to be recognized, complimented, appreciated. That certainly isn't how it all went down for Jesus.
There was a question in the lesson that I just can't shake off. (guess God really wants me to learn from this one, huh?!) It asked "consider that Jesus served even his betrayer. Who are the most difficult people for you to serve?" Pastor Lisa and I spent a considerable amount of time on this question and it really struck a cord with me. As we finished our time together that morning, she prayed for us, as she did every time. And she prayed for me and my family specifically, as she always did. This time she prayed that I would be able to serve those that are the hardest for me to serve. And she prayed that I would be able to see those people THROUGH THE EYES OF GOD. (The tears were flowing!!) It all became so clear to me as I realized I was judging people, as if I was so entitled, and then serving them based on what would fill me up some how. I wasn't really looking at people as a child of God, deserving of all that I was entitled to, and serving them with a pure heart to meet their deepest needs. See, each and every person on this earth, regardless of who they are, or what they've done, or where they are from, is made in the image of God. He loves everyone, every single person, with a genuine, unconditional love that we as humans will never understand. And Jesus Christ came to this earth for all of us, not just some of us. He offers His love and grace to everyone who will accept it. And who am I to withhold MY love, MY service, MY time, MY efforts, MY kindness, MY resources? Who am I to decide that God's commandments to love your neighbor are not fitting or applicable for this person or that circumstance? When I act in that attitude I am putting my self above God and saying that I know better than Him. Who am I to do that? I am just another child of God, totally desperate and dependent, no better than any other. And I pray that this lesson sticks with me and transforms me and brings me closer to being that "mature" follower.

We Are His Arms Of Love

Some of the most profound and inspiring music that I have ever come across is on this CD that my kids and I love to listen to in the car. It's an awesome album by Jana Alayra, called Dig Down Deep. The music is so much fun and we crank it up and sing so loud as we drive around the streets of San Clemente. Really, there is something so beautiful about singing aloud with your kids, especially about God. To hear their little voices belt it out to Jesus....forget it....it brings to tears to my eyes everytime! There is one song in particular that has really moved me:

A penny in my pocket, a dollar in my shoe
When I give them up to Jesus, there's nothing he can't do
To feed the hungry neighbor, give shelter from the cold
Take a wounded heart and make it whole
Oh, we are one family
Oh, with the Son of God you see
Yes, He's calling us to be His arms of love, His arms love
We are His arms of love, we are His arms of love

How awesome is that? It's basically what we are called to do in one simple sentence...WE ARE HIS ARMS OF LOVE. We are to reach out to all people, everywhere, scoop them up, pull them in and embrace them. We are to be a constant reflection of his love and kindness and compassion. And not because we feel obligated in any way. But because we feel so blessed and overwhelmed by His love, that it's just a natural overflowing attitude of gratitude.
This is such a perfect plan for peace in the world and I am more and more amazed everyday as I learn of God's brilliance and simplicity in His work for saving this world. I am so honored to be a part of His family and a part of His plan to bring about peace and love. What a special calling. I think this song perfectly sums up the whole point of the Christian experience. I hope that my girls forever remember this song. I hope they have fond memories of how fantastic it felt to sing it so loud together. I hope that they take the lyrics to heart and live out the message in their lives. As a mother, I want nothing more for them, than to understand that God loves them so much that in turn they love others and open their arms.

WWJD

Yesterday Mark's cousin called me. She asked me to babysit her little boy on Wednesday because she has to go to court, and she has no one else to take care of him. I was reluctant because not only do I have my own two munchkins to take care of, but I've been registered to start this great, intensive Community Bible Study that morning. I've been signed up for months and am so anxious to start the class.
I found myself in a tough situation....I should help her, but I'm really spread thin with my own two kids, but I should help her, but I really want to start this Bible study, but I should help her, but, but, but...
I thought to myself, as I do many times when I am trying to navigate through a decision...WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
So, I agreed to watch her son. Right away I was proud of myself for making the "right choice."
But I quickly became kind of bugged and resentful and not too thrilled about what I was giving up in order to help her.
And so I thought to myself again....WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
It's not that he would just choose to serve, but he would do it humbly, with a happy heart, not feeling proud and puffed up about it because he was doing the "right" thing, but he would simply do it out of love.
I am trying, really trying, to have that kind of heart, as I serve my family out of love. It's easier to make the "right choice" because you know that's the action Jesus would take. It's much harder to follow through and do it, heart and all, like Jesus would.

My Toe Nails Are Way Ahead Of My Heart

September 1st was a special day for me. Not only was it my mom's bday (happy belated mom, love ya!), but it marked the anniversary of the beginning of my relationship with God. We just celebrated 2 years together!
I have been doing some deep reflecting on the changes in my life over the last couple of years. I have made some major transformations...or rather....God has made some major transformations in me! I have entered into a committed and dependent relationship with Christ, I go to church, I was baptized, I am a fascinated and devoted student of the Bible, I listen to Christian Radio, I wear a cross around my neck, I serve as a leader for the high school ministry, I have simplified, re prioritized and slowed down...a little. I am not as driven by material gain or status, by fashion or trends. It just doesn't seem that important to me anymore. If you knew me two years ago...and you know me now....one of the biggest indications of the change in me is my unpedicured toes!!! I never would have gone more than 3 weeks without getting my toes painted and my feet massaged, and I wouldn't have been caught dead with "the natural" look in flip flops! Well, here I sit, no polish on my toes, and flip flops are part of my summer uniform. I am a changed woman! Something in me just feels free not to worry about that anymore, where 2 years ago, anxiety would have taken over my day if a toe nail chipped. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with having nicely pedicured toes, and I intend to still enjoy that on special occasions, but for ME, this is a huge sign of the changes going on.
But I am sad to report that I don't feel like my insides have made such impressive improvements. I still find myself regularly grouchy, snapping at my husband and children, still gossiping and judging people and feeling insecure and depressed and inadequate. I still struggle with so many "issues" and wonder when my insides will really start to heal. I want so much to be a good person, to feel secure in my own skin, to be at peace, to love others always, to treat people with kindness, but the truth is that I still have so far to go. Hopefully, in another 2 years, I will be able to report that God has helped me break free of some of these old struggles.

Happy Birthday Taylor Love

Father God,
Thank you for the gift of my daughter Taylor Love. Thank you for blessing my life with her 2 years ago. Thank you for entrusting her into my care and for giving me the opportunity to know her and love her and raise her. She is such a precious girl, so full of craziness and silliness and energy. She is bright and loving and funny and has been such a blessing to our whole family. Her birth 2 years ago drew me to you God, and for that, I praise you!
Father, I pray for her protection. I pray that you will keep her safe and healthy. I pray that you will watch over her always, being before her and after her and all around her. I pray that her mind will be sharp and her heart will be strong.
Above all else Lord, I pray that she will love you. I pray that she will seek you and want to know you and long to learn about you and serve you. I know God that if she commits her life to you, that she will be filled with joy, she will be purposeful and confident and self assured, she will be peaceful, humble, loving. I know that if she truly loves you she will surround herself with good friends, and make good choices and do good. And I know that if she accepts your love and grace and sincerely believes that she has a purpose, your purpose, she will grow up feeling good about herself, feeling whole and complete. I know Lord, that a life devoted to you does not always ensure ease and comfort, but it does ensure a hope and a promise. Lord, fill Taylor with that hope, with a strong faith and bless her with a life that brings you glory.
Please help me to be a good mother for her. Give me the wisdom and patience and discernment that I need. Help me to be a good example for her. Fill me with your spirit, with your light, so that she sees your love in me. Use me as an instrument to reach her and teach her and draw her near to you.
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen

Sign Me Up To Be Blessed

According to Matthew 5-7, one day Jesus saw that crowds were gathering around him, so He went up on a mountainside near Capernaum and began to teach. This teaching is called the "Sermon On The Mount" and is also known as the Beatitudes.
The word beatitude, from Latin, means blessedness or state of supreme happiness. In this sermon Jesus describes the qualities of the citizens of the Kingdom of heaven and the characteristics of those who are deemed blessed by God. Each of the blessed individuals is generally not considered blessed according to worldly standards, but with a heavenly perspective—that is, truly blessed. A more literal translation would be "possessing an inward contentedness and joy that is not affected by the physical circumstances". Each of the Beatitudes presents a situation in which the person described would not be described by the world as "blessed", yet Jesus declares that they truly are blessed, and they are blessed with a blessing that outlasts any type of blessing this world has to offer. (Wikipedia)
Isn't this what we all want? To be blessed, supremely happy, no matter what the circumstances? Yes....
But the Beatitudes don't promise laughter, pleasure, earthly prosperity. Being "blessed" by God means being hopeful, joyful. To have these, we are told to follow Jesus. And if we follow Jesus we will want to be like Him, possesing more of these qualitites.

"God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of God is theirs.
God blesses those who mourn,
for they are comforted.
God blesses those who are humble,
for they will inherit the whole earth.
God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,
for they will be satisfied.
God blesses those are merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God.
God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.
God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
for the Kingdom of God is theirs."
Matthew 5:3-10

Now, the question is, how do I do all those things, as to be blessed by God?

It's A Small World After All

Took the girls to Disneyland this morning for a few hours. (love that we live in So Cal and can just pop in there for 2 rides, lunch and a quick hug with Alice in Wonderland!) It was HOT and while we enjoyed the air conditioning in "Small World," I was hit hard by the simplicity and beauty of the song lyrics that I've heard 100 times!
"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware
It's a small world afterall"

Weird? No, Perfect!

The timing couldn't have been anymore perfect yesterday at church...Rev Charlie Campbell was giving a wonderful sermon, he was talking about God's judgement, and as if it was all part of the production....there was loud, booming thunder, flashes of lightening, down pouring of rain and the lights in the sanctuary flickering. It was priceless, this huge storm, in San Clemente, in August.
After the service was over people where all piled up in the church, waiting for the heavy rain to let up so they could make their way to the parking lot. There were quite a few elderly folks at this particular service, and the rainy conditions made it difficult for them to get to their cars safely. My husband, Mark, made a mad dash for our car, got a few umbrellas, helped the girls and I out and then made several trips from the sanctuary to the parking lot with some senior citizens that were stranded and needing assistance. He was soaked, and so sweet with these older people, approaching them at the door of the sanctuary, putting his arm out for them to grab hold of, and walking slowly and carefully, transporting quite a few people to their cars. I was proud of him! I pictured God grinning down on him, pleased with Mark's treatment of "his neighbor."
Mark told me later, of the most incredible thing that happened. He was helping an older lady, who was having quite a bit of trouble walking. As they were approaching her car another woman walked up to them, stopping right in front of them, in the parking lot, in the pouring rain, getting ready to greet this older woman clinging onto Mark's arm. Mark said he couldn't believe that this lady was picking this time to start a conversation!! And then she said to Mark's lady friend, "I just have to tell you that my son finally found a job. Thank you so much for praying for him. Your prayers really worked!"
When Mark was telling me this story, he said, "Can you believe that? She stops us, in the middle of the rain, and thanks this woman for praying for her son to find a job! Isn't that weird?"
No, it's not weird....it's perfect! God uses any situation, at anytime, to communicate with us. Mark and I were floored at all that went into this moment that spoke volumes to Mark. In this season of his life, when he is looking for a new job, when we are praying together for God's guidance and leadership in this situation, when we are making efforts to reach out in new ways to help less fortunate people, God's timing is so perfect! We chatted about what we thought God was saying to us in that moment. We discussed it for quite some time and were just mystified at the lengths that God goes to in order to reach us. It's amazing how sovereign and powerful and involved God is. It's incredible to know that He is so invested in our little corner of San Clemente, while being equally invested in every other corner of the world. Weird? No, perfect!!!

I Want To Be A Moon!

Please read this article, written by my Pastor....

http://www.thehighcalling.org/Library/ViewLibrary.asp?LibraryID=3942

Even Mother Theresa Doubts

Time Magazine recently published an article of some letters written by Mother Theresa, where she painfully admits that she struggled with her faith. She, for 50 years, says that she lived in a painful darkness where she sometimes wondered about the existence of God. In the midst of all her great humanitarian work, in the name of Jesus, she admited to feeling forsaken, abandoned, empty, alone and ashamed.
At first, this article might make believers nervous. Mother Theresa was such a shining example of a life lived out in faith. If she struggled with her fundamental belief in God, then what about me? Right? Wrong! This article is exactly what a life lived out in faith should look like. Even Jesus Christ, God in flesh, as he was dying on the cross, cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" Matthew 27:46
If our goal as believers is to become more and more like Christ, then we have to expect that this life will parallel his suffering, his doubt, his feeling of forsakeness. When we are saved, there is no guarentee that our lives will be easy, or that we will never feel distant from God, or that we will never struggle with our faith. It is through these trials and times of hardship and seasons of spiritual darkness that we have to keep seeking and praying and trusting that God is there and will fulfill his promises. Those will be the times that will truly strenghten and solidify our faith.
In one of her later letters, Mother Theresa writes about why she believes that she struggeled so many years with feeling the absence and lonliness from God....
"I can't express in words — the gratitude I owe you for your kindness to me — for the first time in ... years — I have come to love the darkness — for I believe now that it is part of a very, very small part of Jesus' darkness & pain on earth. You have taught me to accept it [as] a 'spiritual side of your work' as you wrote — Today really I felt a deep joy — that Jesus can't go anymore through the agony — but that He wants to go through it in me.
— to Neuner, Circa 1961

Please, take the time to read the entire article...

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1655415-1,00.html

I Got Stumped!

My mom and I spent a lovely morning together today. We started off with a nice long walk along San Clemente's beach trail. We were having a great conversation and debate about the influence that following God might have in my family as I raise my kids. My brother and I were not raised with a church influence, and if I am being completely honest....we turned out pretty darn good. My parents did an amazing job of raising us to be bright, confident, independent, secure, good natured people. There was always a very open and honest flow of conversation going in our home, where no topic was off limits. My parents made sure that we felt comfortable talking about anything and everything with them, and I am certain that is one of reasons that my brother and I turned out the way we did. Sure, we made mistakes, we did get a little crazy in high school and college, but we were good students, we were leaders, and were well mannered, respectful and responsible kids. My mom and I talked about some of the poor choices that I made in my younger years, and she assured me that she thought those experiences were good for me. I agree that I got through it all okay, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't change one thing about my past. But I worry about raising my kids to make the right choices in dealing with peer pressures, under age drinking, premarital sex, etc. The question my mother posed to me this morning was something like "If you agree that we did a great job of raising you, even without God, then what difference will God make in the raising of your kids? How will having God make it any better? How will you encourage open communication, where your kids will feel free to come to you with questions, problems, dilemmas about peer pressure while telling them not to do things because God says it's wrong? Will you just tell your kids what not to do because it's what the Bible says?"
I said something like this...."uh...um....duh....er!" That question caught me off guard, and challenged me to really think. It was a great conversation and one that I needed.
This is what was in my heart, but for some reason I couldn't get up and out of my mouth... I love God and I want to teach my kids to love God! I believe that He should be of the utmost importance in our home. I want to teach them how wonderful and loving and gracious and perfect He is. I want them to know Him and seek Him. I believe that He knows everything, that He has a great plan for us, that we can trust that His commandments and instructions for our life are in our best interest. I believe that we can trust His word, that if we strive to be more like Him, by following Him and obeying Him, that we will have lives full of peace, love, goodness and blessings. I am in love with Jesus, I think He is fantastic and out of my devotion and respect for Him I want to please Him, to be more like Him, to live my life as a great example of the difference that He has made in me. I hope that my life will be a good example for my kids, that they will see the peace that I get from this relationship and that it will inspire them to have it too.
Last night the high school ministry leader of our church shared this scripture with the kids as she discussed with them the pressures of the "party scene"....."Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33

Mom...Thanks for all that you did, and still do, to take such good care of Nick and I. You are an amazing mother. I have always loved the way you and dad raised us in such an open and honest and loving home. You taught us to be thoughtful, compassionate, passionate, expressive people. I LOVE YOU!!!

My Sweet Girls

Scary But Exciting Times

For months Mark has been stressed about his job. He's been overworked, overburdened, overwhelmed. He works so hard, and so well, to provide for our family, and it was painful to watch be under that pressure all the time. I turned to scripture.
Jesus tells us "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:28-30
The yoke that Jesus talks about is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox. It is attached to a piece of equipment that the oxen are to pull. People may be carrying heavy burdens of their own, but Jesus promises to free us from these. The yoke refers to the challenges, the work, the difficulties. Jesus doesn't say that a life with Him will be problem free, but He says it will be a shared yoke, with the weight falling on bigger shoulders than our own.
I started to really hold on to this scripture and pray for Mark all the time. I asked God to shoulder some of Mark's burden, to relieve him of his stress and anxiety and worries about work. I asked for answers and guidance and direction for Mark. I began to ask daily if Mark should keep this job? Should he pursue another position? Is there something else for him? I asked for God to reveal his will for us.
After weeks and weeks of praying and seeking and asking for God's involvement, Mark came home early last Tuesday afternoon and told me that he and his company had decided to part ways.
I'll admit, this answer wasn't really what I had in mind, and I was a little scared and nervous, but I was also weirdly excited and giddy. I was certain in that moment that God was intimately involved in this and it was thrilling.
Over the past week, my faith has been stronger than ever. I never would have imagined that a scary time like this would also be a time that I felt the closest and most sure of God's hand in my life. I am certain that good things are on the rise for our family. In Proverbs 3:6 we are told "Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." I have been praying for answers, for direction and guidance. I have been asking God to show Mark and I what He wants us to do. I believe that He has plans for our family that are far better than we could come up with on our own. I have found such peace and comfort from Romans 8:28, where Paul says "We know that God causes EVERYTHING to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
As Mark continues to look for work, I will continue to thank God for his faithfulness, for his promises, for his love and devotion to my family. I will be anxious and excited to see how He will use this time to draw my family closer to Him. And I will cling to Philippians 4:6-7 where I am told "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand."

F.U.N Kim

For years, all that Mark has really asked of me, is that I be "F.U.N. Kim"...flexible, understanding and nice.
Sure, he likes the laundry done, the frig stocked and a warm meal waiting for him after work....but he wouldn't care about those things at all if I was always just F.U.N.
If I am in one of those self improvement moods, and maybe Mark and I are sharing some wine and a nice meal out away from the kids, I'll get all snuggly and I'll ask Mark, "what can I do to make you more happy? what areas do I need to work on to be the kind of wife that you want me to be?" Almost everytime, he answers, "Kim, I just want you to be F.U.N" (he came up with that a few years back, and he just thinks he is so clever every time he uses is....but really, it's pretty darn good!) He'll explain that he just wants me to be pleasant, to be kick back and easy going, to be enjoyable and kind. Sounds easy enough? How sad is it to say that I can't always do it!!
I am feeling really convicted lately about the kind of wife I've been. I've been taking these stupid hormones to try to get rid of the ovarian cysts that I keep getting, and they have turned me into a monster. All excuses aside, I have been such a difficult person to live with for the last month, and poor Mark has had enough of me. I am fighting him on everything, am in a constant bad mood and am losing my temper over the smallest things. The other night, he said to me..."it is just no fun to be around you anymore!" That one really stung. I certainly don't want to be kind of wife that he dreads coming home to. Instead I want to be the F.U.N. place he looks forward to rushing home to at night, the place where he can forget his stresses and burdens, the place that restores his energy, makes him feel like the strong, capable, succesful man that his girls at home think he is. I want to be the place where he can refuel, feel relaxed and peaceful and worry free. I want my actions to be a reflection of how much I love him, respect him, appreciate him and honor him. I just want to be F.U.N!!

Faith Put To Action

True faith, the kind that really makes a difference in this world , the kind that seriously changes and transforms people, is the kind that is demonstrated by not only our thoughts and our beliefs, but by our actions.
"What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but you don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, "Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well"- but then you don't give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless...I will show you my faith by my good deeds."
James 2:14-18
It's so much more complex than this, but here is the way it worked out for me...
I was going along with my life, everything was just fine. I didn't know God. I had a family of my own. I felt vulnerable, and defenseless and afraid that there was something bigger than me out there. I got sick. I felt I was facing death. I was desperate. I cried out to God to save me. He did. I wanted to get to know Him. I started to read and pray and learn. My heart and soul and life began to change. I began to crave the Word of the Bible like nothing else I'd ever desired before. I fell in love with Jesus Christ. I was reborn into a new, joyful, exciting, full, real life. I felt free. I felt grateful and thankful and blessed and humbled and awed and amazed. Out of my gratitude and true love and admiration and devotion, I want to spend my life learning about God, being in His presence, serving Him, becoming more like Him, pleasing Him, obeying Him, loving myself and others the way He does, working alongside Him to bring more peace and love into this hurting world. I finally feel like I have a purpose, a plan, and real reason for being on this earth. I believe that I am called, as we all are, to accept the Lord's love and grace, to respond to it by giving our lives to Him and demonstrating our faith in Christ by our deeds of loving service.

A Bold Assurance

This scripture was read aloud today at church....and convinces me further that I am justified in coming to God, the Creator of all the Universe, to humbly ask for His intervention, help, healing, peace in any and all circumstanes....even a pain that my dad experiences.
"So let us come boldy to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."
Hebrews 4:16

Coping Mechanism or Real Power?

My dad has been experiencing these severe pains in his chest/abdomnin. He's gone to the ER 2 times over the last couple months because the pain has been so bad. They haven't determined what is wrong yet, he is visiting doctors and running tests.
It's a scary thing, to get a call from your mom, telling you that your dad is in the emergency room. It doesn't matter how your day is going, at that moment, everything stops and the world seems very unbalanced. Your dad is the hero, the big and strong and safe force that took care of you and protected you. The thought of him being sick, or fragile, or hurt is awkward and uncomfortable. You feel weak and out of control and helpless, knowing that there really isn't anything that you can do to take care of your dad. Right? So wrong!
I have found such a peace in prayer. Before I believed in God, this was something that never made sense to me, and sounded like a big "coping mechanism" for weak people. But now that I know it and understand it, it's the most powerful and important tool and the first thing I do before I try to rely on my own strength or abilities to solve a problem.
I got the call from my mom about my dad. I hung up the phone. I prayed right then and there for the Lord to heal my dad, to bring my parents peace and comfort, to fill that hospital room with His presence and love, to guide the dr's and nurses and give them wisdom. I thanked the Lord for his love, his faithfulness, his power and the peace that He was bringing to me, even in that moment. I then emailed my friends and family who I consider to be my "prayer warriors" and requested that they do the same. And I still worried about my dad, I still felt anxious and afraid and unsure, but I felt confident that God, the Creator of the universe, had heard my prayer and the prayer of my "warriors" and was literally in that room with my parents.
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Power Of A Praying Parent

Mommy: So Katelyn how was your day today? What did you do with the other kids while I was at Bible Study with the mommy's?

Katelyn: We played Duck-Duck-Goose!

Mommy: Wow! I didn't know that you knew how to play that game. How fun!

Katelyn: But I never got a chance to run, cause the kids never picked me, and I don't know why, cause I'm a friend too!

I have truly never experienced a pain like this. Hearing my daughter's sweet, high pitched voice tell this story, so serious and concerned, brought on feelings and emotions that I have never had to confront before. She is the sweetest, kindest, silliest little girl with the most inviting, sparkly blue eyes. How could the kids leave her out? Why didn't they include her? What will I do in the future to protect her from the hurt that can come from her peers? What can I teach her, tell her, explain to her? How do you clean off that wound and prepare her for another situation that might hurt more? How do you send your kids out into the world, knowing that their sweet hearts might get broken? What do I do to protect my kids when I can't be there with them?
I thank God that I have found SOME peace in prayer. I have learned from the book Power Of A Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian that I do have some responsibility and power in praying daily for my kids. I pray diligently for their health and safety, for their protection from danger and harm, that their bodies and minds will be strong, that they will be confident and secure and well adjusted, that they will embrace life, that they will like school and learning and have good, kind and quality friends. I pray that they will be leaders, that they will have good character and strong wills. I pray that they will be good kids, with good hearts and kind spirits. And truly, my first and deepest prayer is that they will want to know God, that they will love Him and want to serve Him. I believe that if they do, they will then discover their true purpose, and they will love themselves, they will be happy and secure and good and kind and strong. It's a struggle, because as a parent you want to cling on to your kids and hold them tightly, but I think that if I let go just a little, and let God in to that embrace, He will look after them in every moment, even those Duck-Duck-Goose moments when I am not there!

The Temptation: To Be Relevant

In my former life, before I was a stay-at-home mom, I was a high school guidance counselor. I loved my job. I earned my Master's degree in school counseling and had found the place where I truly felt that I was using my gifts and talents and passions. I, unlike many, have a particular fondness for high school aged kids . I am fascinated by that age group, am attracted to the drama,the energy, the fun, the excitement. I guess it's because I loved my own high school experience. I had a blast during that time of my life. I have fond memories, I had great friends, I fit in and I really enjoyed that stage.
After being home with my own kids for a few years, I felt a longing to get involved with high school kids again. I found my eyes were always drawn to the left side of the church sanctuary on Sunday mornings, where all the high school kids sat. I decided to get involved with the high school ministry and am now a small group leader for the 10th and 11th grade girls.
Now I spend every Wednesday night with the high school kids. This past Wednesday we were all meeting together, boys and girls from grades 9-12. Before a game, worship and discussion time, everyone is just hanging out, socializing and visiting with each other. This 15 minute "hang time" on Wednesday nights has got to be the most challenging time of every week for me. I keep thinking it will get easier, but I am still struggling. When was the last time you walked into a room filled with high school kids, all who know each other, and tried to fit in? tried to find someone who would talk to you? find something to talk about? You would think that you have grown up enough, evolved enough, so now you wouldn't be so intimidated by them or care about what they think of you, right? Well, let me tell you, it's just as awkward and scary and intimidating now, as a 30-something year old!!
Once we get into the thick of the evening, and I am in my "leader" role, I start to feel a little more comfortable, but still, they are a tough crowd. I am finding that I am not as easily accepted among this group as I thought I would be. I keep wanting to reassure them, "Hey, I'm cool. Really, I was pretty cool when I was in high school, I think you would have liked me. I know I'm old and out of it now, but in my day, I was alright!" That probably wouldn't help, huh?
In a great book I recently read called, In The Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen
describes his similar struggle to assert his leadership within a new community. He says, "Not being able to use any of the skills that proved so practical in the past was a real source of anxiety. I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent on how I was perceived at the moment...forced to let go of my relevant self, and forced to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments. I am telling you all this because I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self. That is the way Jesus came to reveal God's love."
My struggle will be to let go of my pride and ego, of my relevant self, and just be a humble and loving servant of God.

Who Gets Blessed More?

I was humbled and inspired the other day. At a women's Bible study at my church, I said "hello" to the homeless woman who frequents our meetings. She is always around the church, at all the events, always there on Sunday morning, and comes to our Bible study. I have also seen her several mornings, curled up in her sleeping bag on the sand at North Beach.
I love the way the people at our church treat her, so welcoming, always offering her food and assistance and the seat next to them. I have noticed how often she goes back for coffee and breakfast treats during our Bible studies and I am glad that she has a place to fill up on food and the Word of God. Well, this past Wednesday she had a plastic grocery bag of apples with her. And as I greeted her and asked how she liked the mornings lesson, she offered me the seat next to her and asked if I would like an apple. I was taken back by her generosity and touched deeply. With as little as she had, she was willing to give some of it up. Surely the Lord will bless her for that. I know it blessed me.

"You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"
Acts 20:35

A Father Teaches A Mother

The only way to get through bath time around here is on a hope and a prayer! How is it that 2 pretty little girls, both under the age of 4, are able to drive me to near insanity several times a day??!!??
Two nights ago we were doing our usual thing. It was about 5:30pm, I was taking the girls out of the tub to get them all lathered up in there yummy smelling baby lotion, put them in their clean, comfy jammies...and then....attempt the ultimate feat....combing their hair!
I had my oldest, Katelyn in between my legs on the floor. I am being so very gentle, carefully pulling the comb through her overly conditioned hair. "Mommy! Mommy! OUCH!!! You're hurting me! STOP!!! You're hurting me!!!" (I seriously have to close the windows around my home before I comb their hair, it's ridiculous. Can someone say....Drama Queen?)
On that particular evening, I took a very deep breathe, and oh so calmly... "Katelyn, honey, come on, it's not that bad. I'm being as gentle as I can. Sweetheart, sit real still so it wont hurt. Don't you trust mommy? You know that I love you and I don't want to hurt you. I promise, if you hold real still, you'll see, it will be over in just a second and you'll be alright. I promise. Good girl."
And in that very moment, as I was speaking those words to Katelyn, the strangest idea occurred to me. This must be exactly how God feels when we are throwing a temper tantrum at Him as we are going through a crisis.
When we are in the middle of something terrible like illness or a tragedy
or a string of bad circumstances, we start flipping out, throwing up our hands, blaming God, and begging for the pain to end.
But just like the mom on the loving end of the comb, He sees the bigger picture. He knows that the situation will pass and the pain will cease. He knows that in the scheme of things, although we can't see it clearly, this small moment of pain will bring about goodness. God asks "Don't you trust me? You know that I created you, that I love you, and I don't want to hurt you. I promise, if you stay faithful, you'll see, it will be over in a second and you'll be alright. Good girl."

Then it happened to me again this afternoon. I was dealing with Katelyn, and God spoke right to my heart.
I picked her up from preschool, the girls were watching Clifford the Big Red Dog on the couch while I made their Mac N Cheese for lunch. Katelyn took off her tennis shoes on the couch and Taylor immediately tattled that Katelyn got sand everywhere. (yep, right at the beginning of the fun sibling stuff!) I scooped up the sand while I teased Katelyn "Honey, come on, I've told you before, we have to take your tennis shoes off outside because you always insist on bringing the entire sandbox home with you! Please don't do that again."
She giggled and watched me as I dumped the sand in the backyard. She very seriously said, "Mommy, I'm really sorry. I wont do that again."
I am so proud when she really gets it and I lovingly replied, "it's okay honey, i love you, don't worry about it, just please remember next time, okay?"
And there was God, right in my heart as I was speaking the words to Katelyn. It's as if he was saying to me.....
"Kim, that's exactly how I feel when I am dealing with you, my child. I lovingly watch over you, guide you, teach you and instruct you. And when you get off course, I correct you. I put that feeling of conviction and guilt in your heart as a way of telling you where you went wrong. And when you listen, and come to me asking for forgiveness with a sincere heart, I am so quick to forgive you and reassure you and tell you that I love you."

True Riches

A few weeks ago Mark and I were sitting across from each other at Starbucks on a Sunday evening. We were enjoying some quiet time before we were to meet with some women from a non-profit organization, Acres of Love, that we are considering getting involved with. This organization rescues and provides for abandoned AIDS orphans in South Africa. It is a cause that we feel particularly strong about and want to be of assistance to. And as we prepared for the meeting we discussed our own personal goals and wants and desires for involvement.
We both recognized that this really isn't the best time for us to become financially involved with any sort of charity. The truth is, money is really tight in our home right now. We are feeling the implications of my decision to stay at home with our children, and are missing that second income greatly. We have made major cut backs, have simplified in every area, and are on a very tight budget. There really is no wiggle room.
But Mark made a point that is still ringing loudly in my mind. He said, "It's funny, we have never been in a more scary or stressful spot financially. But I can't remember a time that we've ever been happier."
Before Mark and I had kids, we both made good money. We had a big home, drove luxury cars, wore nice, expensive clothing, spent a lot of money on travel, and entertainment and just about whatever we felt like. And we were happy....but missing something.
Now we are strapped, we are clipping coupons, driving more practical cars, not buying new clothes, not vacationing anywhere and trying to spend as little as possible all the time. And we are happy....really happy.
And we have reset our priorities, are committed to our family, are longing for more meaningful ways to contribute to society, are working hard in our faith, are truly enjoying the more important things in life like family and friends and good health.
I feel like God has taken this opportunity to really speak to us. He has gotten our attention in an area where we were off base. He has made things a little uncomfortable, made us work together as a team, made us vulnerable and appreciative and thankful. He has opened our eyes to ways that we can get involved with bigger issues, than our cars and clothing, and made us see that we still have so much to offer those who are truly in need. He is leading our family in a most exciting and fulfilling direction. I know that He has wonderful things planned for us, and I am anxious to see how it turns out.
In the midst of this financial stress, I have been praying diligently. I pray for strength in my faith and in Mark's, I pray that I will be a leader in my family, I pray that I will be aware of Mark's burden's and pressures and that I can be a source of relief and support and encouragement for him, I pray that God will give Mark rest and shoulder some of his burden, I pray for guidance from the Lord, the He will provide for us. And I give thanks for all that we have, for the ways in which we are blessed and taken care of. I praise God for his faithfulness, for his provision, for his constant work in our lives and for his love.

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil."
1 Timothy 6:6-10

Happy Dependence Day

As we celebrate a day of INDEPENDENCE for our country, my deepest desire is for all people to become totally DEPENDENT on God.

"Whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
-2 Corinthians 3:16-17

The Holy Spirit provides us freedom from sin and condemnation. When we trust Jesus Christ to save us, he removes the heavy burden of trying to please him and our guilt of always failing to do so. By trusting Christ, we are loved, accepted, forgiven, and freed. Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (taken from commentary in NLT)

Less Is More

If you were to talk to someone about what they believed God was calling them to do in their life at any give time, you would assume that they would answer with some great "call to action." You may hear answers like these:
"Oh yes, God is calling me to go on a missions trip to Mexico."
"God is calling me to start a Bible study in my neighborhood."
"I believe that God is calling me to be a Sunday School teacher."
"I am certain that it is God's will for me to work with the homeless people in my community."
Well, not me! Nope, that's not how God is dealing with me right now. I am pretty certain, although it's not how I want it, God is calling me to "CHILL OUT, SLOW DOWN, RELAX, JUST STOP!!!!!"
In a recent sermon, Pastor Tod spoke right to my heart. He talked about the psychological purpose for anxiety. He said it was our bodies way of telling us that we are getting off track. Anxiety's purpose is to lead us back to where we should be. Well, for the last several months, I have been a basket case of anxiety. I have been overwhelmed, overstressed and spread too thin. I have been taking on too much, committing to too many things and trying so hard to be everything to everybody. I thought that if I volunteered for every opportunity that came up to serve other people, that it would be pleasing to God. In the midst of that chaos I have been an impatient mom, a grouchy, nagging wife and a misguided servant of God. I know that's not how God wants it done.
It became clear to me, at 2am on Monday, in the middle of an anxiety attack, that this is not what God wants for me. This is not the life he is calling me to. In prayer on that dark, quiet, tearful morning, I realized that God is simply calling me to "stop!" He wants me to slow down, take a deep breathe, focus my eyes and ears on Him, play, really sit down and play with my kids, attend to my husband, take care of myself, be in the moment, be in His presence, raise a Godly family and quietly listen for his next call.....rather than creating the call for myself.
My whole life I have been an achiever, a driven do-er and leader. And now I really feel like I need to fight the impulse to take on so much. It's really starting to affect who I am in my relationships, especially in my home. It's time to really accept that "less is more."
"Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone: a new life has begun!'" 2 Corinthians 5:17

His Voice In my 2 Year Old and a Slice of Pizza

I struggle...always....with trying to eat healthy! Will it ever end? I start every day with the same goal to eat nutritious, whole foods. Half of the time I do great. The other half of the time, not so great.

Every morning I pray in the shower. I use that time to invite God into my day, asking for His guidance and assistance in all matters, trying to focus my day in the right direction. This morning I added a little something to my usual dialogue. I asked God to help me stay committed to my desire to eat well and take care of my body. I figured that I'm not doing a very good job of it own my own, maybe I could use a little help.

So, on with my day. Our family is out and about, we stop for a Saturday afternoon lunch at a new Pizzeria in town. I'm hungry! We order a chicken salad and a pizza to share. Taylor, our 2 year old, is in rare form. I spend most of my time marching her outside because she is throwing fits, crawling up on the table, spilling water, and just disrupting the whole establishment! On about our third attempt to come back in and eat quietly, I was able to get in quite a few bites of salad. Before long, Taylor is under the table, bumps her head and starts screaming. This time I grab her, and the diaper bag and tell my husband we'll see him in the car!!! As I sat there in the car waiting, I noticed that I really wasn't hungry anymore and was kinda proud of myself for only having some salad.

After we got the girls home and down for their naps, I found the left over pizza and warmed up the biggest piece I could find. I ate it.

A few minutes later I plopped down on the couch for a little rest. I was feeling all bummed out and disappointed at myself for eating the pizza and blowing my goal....again! I remembered that I had even gone so far as to pray for help with my eating that day....a lot of good that did....

All of a sudden, a thought popped into my mind....what if Taylor's outburst today was God's way of removing me from the situation so that I wouldn't eat the pizza???

What Happened To Me? (Part 3)

So here I was, craving knowledge about Jesus Christ, not able to read enough, learn enough, discuss enough about him. I was more surprised than anyone! I never would have thought that this would be a topic I would ever find so fascinating, stimulating and satisfying. But I had to be honest, it was really meeting a need inside of me that I didn't even know was there.
Then one day, it dawned on me....I believe this stuff. I have no idea when it happened or how it happened...but all of a sudden, I realized that I was believing without any doubts. I was convinced of the stories, sold on the Scriptures and totally and faithfully committed to Jesus Christ.
I know it sounds so ridiculous and crazy to a person who hasn't yet given this a try, but I promise...THIS IS REAL. This change in my heart is the most real and true thing that I have ever experienced.

Funny, in John 8: 31-32, Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Jesus promises us that if we remain in his teaching, we will recognize and understand the truth and that truth will set us free. To know Jesus liberates us and gives us freedom because it allows us the opportunity to know God himself. God is pure and holy and is the one good.

This freedom is not as most people would think of it. It's not freedom TO to do whatever we want based on our own feelings and desires. It is the freedom FROM our sinful selves and the opportunity and power and guidance to walk with God himself, the source of all goodness and life.

Jesus is the perfect standard, the source of truth, the reality of all God's promises. He frees us from our slavery to sin, from self-deception. He frees us from the things of this world that control us, dominate us, dictate our actions. He shows us the way to a more fulfilling and fruitful and promising life. He shows us the way to eternal life with God. He shows us how to become the person that God created us to be.

This is the truth and the freedom and the new life that I am living with Jesus Christ.

What Happened To Me? (Part 2)

In the first weeks of my faith journey I emailed the senior pastor at San Clemente Presbyterian Church. I had gone there a couple of times, liked the atmosphere, but had a lot of questions. At this point, believing in God was still something that I didn't "get" and I certainly wasn't even near comfortable with all the "Jesus Christ talk." I told him a short version of my story, listed off several questions, concerns, and skepticism's and asked what his advice would be to learn a little more. He invited me to come talk with him. Impressive.

So I nervously went to his office with my list of major problems with the faith. We talked, easily, about how I was feeling, what I was afraid of, why I had trouble believing. His advice was simple....keep coming to church, start out by reading the New Testament and get to know who Jesus is, and just try to approach all of this as if you believe it. He asked if he could pray for me, I obliged, we bowed our heads. I can't remember what the prayer was, but I remember that I teared up, that it felt intimate, powerful and special. Looking back on it now, I'm sure that prayer was monumental to the change I experienced in my heart.

So, I did what he suggested. I kept going to church, and I really liked it. I even sang the words to the songs, even though it was really, really awkward at first. I was diligent about reading the Bible, although it was overwhelming and I didn't really "get it." And I read a couple of other great Christian 101 books that he suggested. I kept an open mind, tried to really learn and research and put aside all of my own preconceptions.

Slowly, slowly....I started to really crave more knowledge, I started to look forward to my reading, I started to understand more and "get it." I found myself desperate to know more, starving for more information and answers and finding a peace in my heart that I had truly never known. I was changing, big time!!

Jesus said, "Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given- and you will receive even more."

Mark 4:24

Stay tuned for more....

What Happened To Me? (part 1)

2 years ago, I had no idea what it was like to live the Christian life. I was doing well, living well, was a good and decent person and had no interest in religion. The thought of going church or reading the Bible or talking about Jesus Christ would have made me incredibly uncomfortable.



But here I am today, totally transformed and changed, from the inside out. Sometimes I look back and wonder what the heck happened! I wonder how I got to this point, where it all took place and what happened to all of my questions and doubts and accusations. How am I so sure that I believe in God? When did I even decide to believe in Him? And how did I learn all this stuff that I know about Jesus and the Bible? How in the world is it that I am certain that He is my Lord, my Savior, my King? How, How, How am I even saying those words without rolling my eyes? Why am I so eager to go to church, to be in Bible study, to be in prayer? Why do I want to listen to Christian radio and worship music? Am I really wearing a cross around my neck?
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?



I think that we are all built with that piece of us that is missing, that hole in our heart that is longing to be filled. I think that we are all made to search for our purpose, our reason, the answer about the truth of this life.

I believe, with my whole heart, that I have found "the truth."

Happy Father's Day

To Mark, my husband, my very best friend, my perfect balance.....
You are the most amazing father. Thank you for working so hard, without complaints, to provide for our family. We feel so safe and taken care of. Thank you for being so loving and gentle. You are so great at showing and expressing your love. Thank you for the time you spend with our daughters. I love to watch you play and laugh and dance and sing with our girls. You are setting a high and important standard for our daughters for the type of man that they will someday choose. Our girls adore you and trust you and admire you. Thank you for being so supportive and understanding of my role, of my challenges, and for helping me to be a better mom. Thank you for your commitment to our marriage, to our friendship, to our journey as a family. I love you so much and it's been a joy to watch you grow into such a great dad. I thank God for you everyday.
Always, Me

A Challenge: Practice The Golden Rule

If you were to spend a day with our family, you would inevitably see me put our 3 1/2 year old, precious, daughter in a time out. (at least once!) She is usually escorted over to her "time out spot" in the dining room after she has been physically rough with her younger sister. After a couple of minutes I come back and join her. I sit with her on the ground, face to face, and I ask her...."Katelyn, do you know why I put you in time out?" She almost always does!! Then I ask, "What is the Golden Rule?" And She answers, "Treat others you want to be treated." (so cute!) I then discuss with her how her actions might have made someone feel and how they would make her feel if they had been done to her. She seems to get it and I am hopeful that I am on my way to raising a compassionate and thoughtful young woman.
Jesus taught us in Matthew 7:12 to "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you."
Everyone is familiar with the Golden Rule, right? But really, I think it is brilliant! Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone truly took part in this philosophy? This could be a great way of bringing about much needed peace and harmony. It's elementary....but perfect. Jesus was so right on here. (and everywhere!)
Here's a challenge....practice the Golden Rule and see what a difference it makes. I have been trying it and am astonished with the results. I am hoping to "be the change that I want to see in the world." I am making a point to say a friendly hello to the stranger I walk by on the street. I am enthusiastically thanking the clerk who helps me at the store. I am trying to compliment the woman standing next to me in line on her blouse. I am trying to send thoughtful notes to old friends. I am trying to reach out to neighbors in need. I am trying to offer help to someone I know wont ask for it. I am desperately trying to be the person that I would want someone to be to me. It's a joy to see how simple acts of heartfelt kindess make a difference to a person.
I have been blessed by God. I feel so lucky. I feel so alive. Maybe the person next to me isn't in that same happy place. I hope that my simple hello or thank you or genuine smile or compliment or helpful gesture will be just what that person needs to turn their day around. Maybe I can be what lifts their spirits. Maybe then, they can do it for someone else. Imagine the possibilities.

Stay-At-Home.....Moms

Right around the time of Mother's Day, Salary.com released an article that told what they had concluded a Stay-At-Home Mom would make in 2007.....if she were to receive a paycheck. They based the salary on the hours per week that a stay-at-home mom spends on the following jobs: housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist.
I went to Salary.com and was able to personalize my own salary based on the ages of my children and where I live. They concluded that I would be paid $152,896. I have to admit that I am smiling as I sit here and type this. I feel proud and validated. It's nice to know that people understand and acknowledge the amount of work that it takes to stay at home and take care of your house and family.
Now, if only I could remember how valuable I am. I know that the sacrifices that I am making and the time and energy that I am putting into raising my family is monumentally important, but sometimes it's so hard. The money is tight, sooooo tight on one income, the job is never ending and I get so overwhelmed. I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job. I feel like I should be better, more patient, more focused, more organized, more everything. But it's so hard and soon I realize that I've started just going through the motions, letting the days "happen" to me, getting caught up in the schedules and activities and errands. And just when I've had all I can take, I have a morning like I did today.
I made a point to really slow it down for the girls and I this morning. And after we hung out at the pool for awhile, we came home, had a nutritious lunch together and then we just chilled. And during that down time, I got to dance with my daughters, take pictures of them holding hands and spinning, spend time talking while together we cleaned up the play room and just "be" with them.
I forget, all too often, that being a stay-at-home mom isn't always about all the different jobs I do and the checks on my to-do list. But more often it should be about the time, the down time, the quality time, the once in a lifetime, that I get to spend with my kids.


Check out http://www.mom.salary.com/

Testimony

http://www.scpres.org/app/w_page.php?id=28&type=section

This link will take you directly to my church's (San Clemente Presbyterian Church) For Love of God and Neighbor Capital Campaign video. The whole video is well worth the 16 minutes it takes to watch. It shows the type of community I am priveleged to belong to and tells of the vision of our church family.
At about 9 min and 30 sec, I give my personal testimony.

Our Early Morning Sing Along

I took my girls and our dog for our usual power walk this morning. We were off and running at about 8:00am, the girls all snuggled up in the jogging stroller. It's such a great way to start off the week.
Katelyn, my 3 1/2 year old began to serenade us as we walked. She was rattling off a bunch of songs that she has learned at preschool. Starting with "God Bless America", to "Thank You For This Snack", to "Jesus Loves Me." Now, let it be known that Miss Katelyn is not shy about her singing, and she really likes to get it out as loudly as she can, which we usually will lovingly enjoy and encourage. I am sad to say that this morning, for a brief moment, I felt a little different about her performance.
We were coming around a corner, and there was a woman stopped there while her dog was going potty. Katelyn was proudly belting out "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." and she was so adorably doing the little signs that go with it. I felt myself get all freaked out and worried about what this woman would think. Maybe she didn't believe in Jesus. Maybe she would be offended by Katelyn's singing that song. Maybe I should quiet Katelyn down and ask her to stop.
That is so sad on so many levels. First, what a shame that I would be afraid to offend someone with my daughter's proud and beautiful singing about our Lord, who was surely smiling on while He heard her singing it. And it would have been awful to make her feel embarrassed or guarded or not free to just sing freely and proudly. And how unfortunate it would have been for me to demonstrate for my childrenhow we are to be ashamed about publicly yet politely sharing our faith.
I am happy to report that those feelings of of embarrassment only lasted a moment, and instead I found the courage to proudly sing along with her.

My Perfect Prescription

I don't know if I'm the only one that feels this way. (I suppose it's highly likely!) I am constantly disappointed with myself. As my husband so frequently reminds me, "Kim, you are your own worst enemy!" He is so right, I am. I am so hard on myself, so critical, so judgemental. I hold myself to such a high standard, expect a lot, and come down very hard when I don't meet my own expectations. It's crazy, this I know, but it's true.

The saddest part about this cycle is that I keep visiting the same issues, over and over and over. Really, they are the same ones!!! I find myself always setting goals for myself in the following areas:

1. Eat healthy

2. Exercise

3. Cut back on spending

4. Slow down, simplify, don't spread self too thin= spend QUALITY time with the kids

5. (over the last 2 years) Daily quiet time with God, reading Bible and in prayer

When I do those things for a substantial period of time, I feel awesome! I feel empowered and balanced and healthy in body and mind. The great feelings are positive reinforcement to stay the course and it's a wonderful cycle.

Then....I slip up on one thing, and then I get lazy in another area, and before I know it I feel like I have lost it in all areas and my life is a mess. It's kind of creepy how they all seem so connected. It's all or nothing. I am either "in control" or "out of control." And then the disappointment sets in, and I find myself in a short spell of disgust and self loathing......until I reset the SAME goals and try again.

And so, the prescription for my balanced life is easy to identify, but so hard for me to follow. How am I letting enriched carbs, laziness, frivilous spending, a hectic calendar and excuses for time away from God make me so sick???